#not a day goes up that I'm not absolutely wrecked by the thought of that damn bird

[virtueofsanityx]

ross isn't given much time to say anything at all before the other end of the line goes dead and he's listening to static air. something in his chest feels tight, heavy, like he just heard the drowning confessions of a dying man, but something else tugs at his subconscious, too, something about maksim that he isn't understanding completely. there's sorrow for him, of course. that story likely would have tugged at anyone's heart the same way, unless that heart was just shriveled and black. unfortunately, ross' heart was too big and too full and too loving to let something like that go. moisture pools at the corners of his eyes and he quickly wipes it away.

it isn't his story to cry about.

instead, he's headed off to the garage after looking at his phone for a moment too long, off to get someone to come tow his car and get it fixed it, mind swirling with far too much to settle. tonight might be a night where the only thing that gets him any sleep at all is one of those little secret gummies stashed away in the top cabinet, the extreme emergency ones. his mind is far too wired for anything close to natural sleep to hit him.

he also feels the sudden urge to call his mother, though she doesn't answer when he tries and just pings back a message about how she's 'busy with work, honey, chat later!' which is so typical for the woman that he doesn't even feel that hollow sensation in his chest anymore. fingers tap against that place just under his ribs, a steady pattern, and he lets it flow off of him, just like he always does, just like everything else.

--

and time marches on, as it will. he's still sleeping like shit. he's still going to work every day and getting far too wrapped up in the lives of his middle schoolers. he's moved on from his poetry section to a three week study of a book that he loved as a child. they've gotten through the first few chapters and he has a stack of essays sitting on his kitchen counter, slowly pouring through them with his trusty red pen when his phone pings.

he isn't sure who he expects it to be. maybe his mom, maybe one of his sisters. the name that flashes across his screen is more surprising than that, though.

maksim.

to say that he hasn't thought about the man in the last few weeks would be the biggest lie he's ever told, but he had assumed that their time was over, brief as it had been. so the messages surprise him. make him look at the phone a little too long before he finally starts moving his fingers across the screen to reply.

[ mr. tough guy (maksim) ⟶ ✉︎ ] i'm upstairs, if you wanna drop in. [ mr. tough guy (maksim) ⟶ ✉︎ ] could definitely go for some tacos, if you're offering. [ mr. tough guy (maksim) ⟶ ✉︎ ] nah, this is my ghost, i learned how to make my hands corporeal enough to handle the phone, and i still eat tacos as a ghost. it's some major magic bullshit.

but that does mean that maksim is coming over, which does mean that ross needs to do something about the state of his apartment. it's not a total wreck, but a few clothes are scattered everywhere. a handful of dishes rest in the sink, untouched. he catches a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the microwave as he passes it, and wonders if he has time for a quick shower. probably not. though why he's freaking out over this guy is still a mystery. (or at the very least, he's pretending it's a mystery so he doesn't have to admit to anything, even to himself).

by the time he hears the knock on his door, he's managed to splash come cold water on his face, though it's done next to nothing for the dark circles still living permanently under his eyes. the scruffy facial hair he's let grow in over the last few weeks feels silly for some reason, but he doesn't exactly have time for a full shave. and a steeling breath is the only thing he manages before pulling the door open and flashing that smarmy, shit eating grin that he hopes invokes how absolutely and totally chill he is about all of this.

"i knew you'd miss me eventually. i'm quite the charmer." body shifts away from the doorway to wave the other man inside, eyes darting around at the not quite but somewhat less cluttered space. "don't mind the mess. we're getting close to midterms, i don't have a lot of time to do much but focus on the kids."

"Oh, just what I always wanted," Maksim drawled, voice a dark, gravelly timbre. "To hear all about your thrilling sex life and be compared to your sleazy excuse of a co-worker." The words were cutting, but the undertone in his voice revealed something deeper, something vaguely bruised. A hollow yearning. The thought of someone else circling Ross awakened heat in his chest, a restless hunger he couldn't afford to name. Ross could handle his own personal drama, he knew that. Maksim could very well tear that man apart if he wanted, rip him limb from limb... yet, exposing himself like that? Too dangerous and foolish. And this thing already felt like it was slipping from his control. Protectiveness was one thing, but this----- this felt dangerously close to possessiveness, and no human deserved that from him. No human was meant to be his. He shouldn't even be having long conversations like this. Shouldn't be letting Ross's voice crawl under his skin, into places he'd long since locked away. However... he couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to someone outside the pack just to talk. To be heard. His voice softened a degree, though the tension remained coiled beneath it. "You're right, though. My family raised me with far better standards than whatever low-life you’re comparing me to. If anything, they raised me too well. If I ever let my guard down... showed interest in the wrong person... they’d have torn me apart for it. ...Anyway, affection isn’t something you take. It's earned. What kind of pathetic fool believes forcing it could ever make it real?" Some wolves gave in to their primal urges without restraint, taking what they wanted, consequences be damned. Maksim had seen it------ felt the echo of it thrumming inside his own skin. That savage hunger, untamed and all-consuming. He told himself it wasn’t his way. Refused to believe it could be. But deep down, the fear coiled tighter; the terror that one day, the beast would break free completely, tearing through reason, leaving him nothing but a mindless, feral thing----- lost to madness, lost to himself...

In terms of lust and companionship, Maksim found himself stifled, unable to truly choose a partner of his own. There were no formal arrangements or oppressive expectations, yet anyone in the pack would likely offer someone they cared for just to please him. He could probably take one of his servants without resistance, but that thought left him hollow. The idea that someone might submit to him solely because of his rank, rather than out of true love and desire, unsettled him deeply.

He spoke suddenly, his voice distant, as he gazed at the amber liquid swirling in his glass. A faint, melancholic smile tugged at his lips, though it never touched his eyes. "You know," he began, his tone rough with an ache he couldn’t quite suppress, "your kind probably wouldn't understand... You're... what you are," he muttered, a bitter laugh escaping him, the unspoken word "human" hanging heavy in the air------ a rather harsh reminder of what they lacked. "...But a long time ago, my mother died trying to protect my father," he went on, voice thickening as the memory forced its way into the present, vividly painful. "He was broken... couldn’t defend himself, couldn’t defend anyone. He told her to run, to try and save herself. But she----- stayed with him, even though he was begging her with the last of his life slipping away. Can you imagine that? Someone choosing to die for you? To stay with you, knowing it meant their end?" His burning blue eyes darkened, and for a moment, he seemed lost in the past, lost in the image of them, his parents, locked in that final, desperate embrace. The fierce, consuming love they shared struck him with a violent intensity. "It used to kill me inside," he nearly whispered now. "Because... maybe if they'd been smarter, listened... one of them, at least... maybe I would’ve had a mother or a father just a little longer." Maksim paused, swallowing hard, as if wrestling with something far heavier than the words. "But now? Now, I think, maybe it could be wondrous to be loved like that." There was no joy in his voice, no hope, just the dark weight of something he could never have. The brutality of what he had witnessed, their devotion, their sacrifice------- had carved a scar into his soul, one that never fully healed. He could never escape the barrenness that came with knowing such love existed, yet never having it for himself.

There’s an uncomfortable pause, the kind that stretches too long, before an icy, undeniable truth settles in----- he’s said far too much. Maksim blinks rapidly, desperately trying to hold back the storm of emotion threatening to spill from his eyes, his throat tight as he clears it, attempting to regain control. He pretends not to notice the worried Omega standing in the doorway, watching him with concern. "...Anyway, yeah, so you don't have to worry about me being another Rick," his voice is all business now, as he straightens up in his chair, jaw tight, pushing the emotions aside. "I’m here to repay my debt, that’s all. Get your vehicle fixed and let me know if anything else comes up, especially if you feel unsafe. Goodbye." He ends the call with haste, finger swiping quickly across the screen to ensure Ross can’t say another word, or, God forbid, bring up anything about his parents------ about that kind of devotion. Maksim knows that a mere human would never understand it, and he has no interest in hearing any more from that little creature. But as the call disconnects, he stares at his phone for a moment longer than necessary, the severity of what he just shared suddenly crashing down on him. A strange, uncomfortable feeling tugs at his chest, a sensation he hasn’t felt in a long time. Vulnerable. Open. Something he hasn’t been with anyone in ages, not since the pack was supposed to be his everything. He shakes it off, trying to dismiss the awkward mix of emotions by shoving them down, down, until they're nothing but a dull roar once more.

---

Over the next few weeks, Maksim's so absorbed in his duties that, thankfully, he doesn’t have a moment to think about checking in on the human. Ross hasn't called him in a screaming panic, so Maksim doesn't feel an ounce of guilt for shifting his focus from an absurd debt he never should’ve owed in the first place to the pressing matters of pack business. He helps out with some of the younger pups, offering a hand to the women, and spends long hours on patrol, searching for any sign of lurking enemies. The days blur into one long stretch of meetings with the Elders, and before long, he falls into a constant rhythm. But the meetings begin to take a dark turn, escalating rapidly when a proposal is put forward: Maksim should marry another member from a neighboring pack to solidify an alliance. This would give them the numbers they’d need should another war arise. It was ridiculous. Archaic. Maksim had always respected the traditions of his people, but this? This was a step too far. But, predictably, his mother and father's "Great Sacrifice" was brought into the conversation, as though their legacy should force him into decisions that didn’t align with his own heart. The implication of 'how dare he disrespect their memory by not doing whatever was necessary to secure the future of the pack' pushed him over the edge.

After a while, Maksim couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed his keys and hopped on his motorcycle, a sleek black Triumph Bonneville T100, and tore down the road toward the inner town. He didn’t fully understand it, but something inside him longed------ an unshakeable craving for contact that felt both foreign and familiar. Maybe he should reach out to that human. The thought made no sense, was utterly insane, and yet he couldn’t shake the tension, the strange, tight pull deep within him. The wind whipped through his messy dark hair as he rode, lost in thought. Was a surprise visit rude by human standards? Probably. At least from Maksim, it would be. So, he parked his bike a little ways down the street, far enough to be inconspicuous, and sent a few tentative messages through his phone.

[ Human Ross ⟶ ✉︎ ] I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d do a courtesy check in. [ Human Ross ⟶ ✉︎ ] Want me to bring over something to eat? [ Human Ross ⟶ ✉︎ ] If you’re still alive, that is.

[qpjianghu]

 “It’s not that you don’t forgive others... it’s that you refuse to forgive yourself.”

Li Xiangyi / Li Lianhua - Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Ep. 40

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 17 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: You manage to help Bradley calm his nerves before his preliminary court appearance. Even just five minutes spent with you feels better than anything else. But when he sees Meredith again, the resentment and fear return. And he still can't help but dwell on why exactly she's so determined to get custody.

Warnings: Angst, fluff, swearing, and age gap (18+)

Length: 4400 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

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On Sunday night, when you were getting ready for bed, you dodged a phone call from Greyson. But a minute later your phone rang again, and this time it was Bradley. You answered it immediately. 

"Hi, Daddy."

Bradley's soft groan through the phone had you grinning. "Princess. I miss you, baby."

You flopped down onto your bed with the phone clutched to your ear. "Okay, Bradley. But you can't just say that right now when I can't even come over and see you."

He hummed into the phone, and you closed your eyes. You'd been there with him last night after Noah's party. You'd had his mouth on your body while he hummed just like that. But you wanted him around you all the time now that you had it in your mind that he could be yours for real if it weren't for Meredith. There could have been a label on this.

"When I manage to get the shit show that is my life sorted out, you can come over anytime you want," he promised. "You can have some playtime with Noah before he goes to bed, and then you can have a different kind of playtime with me." You could literally hear the smirk in his voice.

"Can I wear my crown for both kinds of playtime?"

Bradley sighed and said, "Absolutely. It's hanging on my bedpost, just waiting for you, Princess."

You closed your eyes and thought about how adorable Bradley looked when he had been wearing the green crown you and Noah had made for him. "How's Noah?" you asked softly. Because you truly missed both of them.

"He's fine. Asked for you all afternoon when I let him eat the ants on the logs you left for him."

Your heart soared and ached at the same time. "I wish I could come over tomorrow night and spend some time with him. With both of you."

Bradley was silent for a beat. "I talked to Tracy right before I called you."

"Your lawyer?" you asked, suddenly alert and worried. 

"Yeah," he replied, his voice raspy with frustration. "I'm scheduled for a preliminary court appearance on Wednesday afternoon."

You sucked in a deep breath and sat up and gripped your phone to your ear. "Bradley. Will Meredith be there? Does Noah have to go? Can I do anything? I can skip my classes." You could barely even breathe as you waited for his response. It was just a few more weeks until you graduated, and you were trying to end with top grades, but you'd skip if they needed you. 

"No, I don't even want you to worry about it, okay?" he asked. "I'm just telling you, because I want you to know what's going on. Penny is going to watch him for the afternoon, and I'm going to use some of my vacation time."

"Do you think things will be settled on Wednesday?" you asked, heart pounding at just the thought of Meredith being around Noah again. You ran your fingers down your arm which was mostly healed as you shuddered. 

"I'm hoping, Princess. Will you call me tomorrow night?"

---------------------------

By Tuesday evening, Bradley was a nervous wreck. After he put Noah in bed for the night, he called Tracy to go over a few last minute items. She was always very calm with him, but he had been assured that she could turn into a bulldog if the occasion called for it. 

"What else do I need to do before tomorrow afternoon?" Bradley asked. They would be the last hearing for the day, and he already had a plan in place for Penny to watch Noah so he wasn't late for daycare pickup.

"Just prepare yourself to see Meredith, and stay calm. I'll be with you the whole time," Tracy promised. But when Bradley ended the call, he paced around his house and out onto his back deck in the darkness. 

He had too much energy. He needed an outlet. All week long, when he started to get like this, he had cleaned his house. Now everything was spotless, almost like the nights when you had been over to watch Noah. The nights when he had gone out with women from the dating app.

"You're so fucking stupid," he told himself, walking back inside to the kitchen and locking the door. He could have been in a relationship with you for a month now if he had just stopped trying to deny the way he felt. He could have saved you the pain of having to listen to him lie to your face.

Bradley knew nothing else was going to make him feel the way you always did, so he grabbed his phone and called you.

"Hi," came your soft, breathy greeting, and he was already smiling. 

"Princess," he replied, taking a calming breath. "If you're busy studying, or you need to-"

"I'm not," you promised. "I was planning on calling you anyway. You okay? Ready for tomorrow?"

Bradley walked back to his bedroom and peeled his tee shirt and jeans off. "Yeah. A little nervous." He didn't need to elaborate more than that for you to understand, and your encouraging words were right there.

"You can do it, Daddy. You'll do it for Noah, because you love him so much, and he deserves to be with you." 

Bradley could feel the warmth of your words wash over him. He should have told you what was going on with Meredith from the start. 

"If I were there, I would help you relax," you added. "Ease your nerves for you."

"Oh yeah?" he grunted, settling on his back in bed. "How would you do that?" 

You laughed softly. "Remember how much you liked it when I went down on you on your living room couch, Daddy?"

Bradley closed his eyes and let his head sink into the pillow while he thought about your glossy lips wrapped around his cock. "Yeah, I remember. You gave me the best head of my life, and you broke my year long dry spell."

When you moaned his name, his cock twitched for you. "And you remember how relaxed you were when I was done with you?" 

Bradley pulled his briefs down so his cock was standing at attention. "I just remember being shocked as hell that my kid's hot babysitter called me Daddy and let me cum in her pretty mouth."

You giggled as Bradley started stroking himself. He put you on speakerphone and pulled up a photo of you. He was a mess for you, he really was. 

"You know what I love, Daddy?"

Bradley groaned and slid his hand down his length while he looked at the photo of you in your crown. "Tell me."

You sighed softly and said, "I love the way your cock feels on my tongue. Big and velvety soft. And so heavy." 

"God damn it, Princess," he moaned. Your voice really got to him, every single time. He could almost get hard for you when you were simply asking about his day, but when you were spewing out dirty talk like it was no big deal? He was fucking ready to go. 

He expected your voice to be tentative, but you sounded bold. "Are you touching yourself right now?" 

"Of course I am," he grunted. "You're talking about sucking me off."

"But I didn't even mention how much I loved burying my face against your skin and smelling you while I kissed your balls."

He kept stroking himself as he rasped, "If you're trying to get me off, it's working."

He could practically hear you smile as you whined, "Next time, just cum all over my face."

It was the picture of you in the crown that was really doing it for him, because he could imagine it so clearly: your tongue catching ribbons of his cum while you laughed and lounged back naked on his bed.

"You want me to make it messy?" he asked, panting harder as he jerked himself off. 

"I want it everywhere. Dripping off me."

"Fuck!" he cursed, and then his eyes were squeezed closed as he was coating his own abs with his cum and thinking about you licking it up. He was virtually sure you would if you were here and he asked you nicely. 

"Did you make a mess, Daddy?"

"Yes, baby. I really did."

"Next time, I'll clean you up with my tongue."

Bradley sighed as you told him you missed him and asked him to call as soon as he could tomorrow. You really had managed to help ease his stress, and you weren't even here. He couldn't help but think of how much better he would feel if you were. 

--------------------------

"Morning, bub," Bradley whispered as he scooped his son out of bed early on Wednesday morning. He held him close while Noah buried his face against his neck. "I'm taking you to see Penny for the day."

"I want my babysitter," Noah whined, and Bradley held him a little tighter. 

"Me too, bub. Hopefully one day soon she can be here a lot more often."

That seemed to make Noah perk up a bit as Bradley got him dressed. And then He held Noah on his lap while they both ate bowls of cereal. Bradley didn't want to let him go as his nervous energy about the court appearance returned. He just knew he was going to want to rage as soon as he laid eyes on Meredith. But he would have Tracy with him the whole time. He needed to remember he didn't have to do any of this alone. 

On the way to Penny's house, Bradley stopped at the coffee shop with Noah, and the barista started making both of his drinks right away. And then she made a fuss over how cute Noah was while Bradley used the sharpie to write the appropriate names on both cups. Then he drove to Penny's house, and he hustled Noah inside as quickly as he could. Because he saw that your car was still at your little house down the street. 

"Thanks, Penny. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're willing to help me out right now."

Penny kissed Noah's cheeks and shot Bradley a surprised look. "I'm more than happy to help out anytime, Bradley. Honestly, Noah is so sweet, he reminds me of how Amelia was!"

Bradley just laughed and handed Penny a bag of some of Noah's things. "Well, regardless, I appreciate it. Especially this week."

Penny eyed him closely. "I know your usual sitter isn't available during the day. This is really no problem at all. Just call me later. And good luck today."

Bradley swallowed hard and ran his hand over his khaki uniform. "Thanks." Then he gave Noah one more kiss on the cheek.

He ran back out to the Bronco. Your car was still there. He quickly drove down the block, and when he parked in front of your house and grabbed the cup of coffee that said Princess with a little heart next to it, he saw your front door open. You were wearing your navy blue scrubs, and you had your tote bag of books, and Bradley's heart was pounding. 

When you looked up and saw him standing at the end of your sidewalk, your lips parted in surprise. "Bradley!" It was half laugh and half gasp, and you just dropped your bag and rushed toward him. He held your coffee out in his left hand as you collided with him, wrapping your arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?" you asked, kissing his cheek and his lips and his mustache.

"I missed you," he whispered, his voice deep and raspy as he held you close with his right arm. "A lot." He kissed you harder as you ran your fingers through his tidy hair, most definitely messing it up. But he didn't care one bit.

"Where's Noah?" you asked against his lips. Bradley smiled, because you always wanted to know where Noah was, you always wanted him to be safe.

"I just dropped him off with Penny."

Your cheek came to rest on his chest along with your palm. "You brought me my coffee?" When he hummed and handed it to you, your laughter made him smile. "Thank you, peasant."

"You're welcome, baby." You looked up at him, and he kissed your forehead before you took a sip. 

"Wait, why are you in your uniform? Are you wearing that to the hearing?" you asked, running your fingers along his pins and straightening out his nametag.

"I'm working until lunchtime," he replied, taking your hand in his. "Then I'll change into my suit to go meet Tracy."

You just nodded up at him. "You have nothing to worry about. And if for some reason things don't go your way today, Nat told me she has your back no matter what. She's actually a little scary?"

"She's very scary. I tried to tell you that when you met her."

You pressed your face against his uniform shirt and murmured, "When I met her, I thought she was your date, and I was jealous."

Bradley froze with his hands on your hips, and a smile found its way to his lips. "Really?"

"Yes, really," you told him, hiding your face close to his armpit and making him laugh. "I had a big crush on you, okay?" 

"I love that for me," he said, kissing the top of your head. "Princess, I need to leave, and you need to get to class."

When you looked up at him, all he wanted to do was carry you up to your bedroom and spend the whole day there with you. "You'll do great. Call me later, Daddy."

After one more kiss, Bradley waited for you to leave first before getting in his Bronco and heading to base, desperately trying to keep his mind off of Meredith.

--------------------------

By the time he was walking up to the San Diego superior courthouse in his suit, Bradley was a nervous wreck. And as soon as Tracy saw him, she must have known it. 

"We can do this," she promised as soon as he reached her. "I'm ready to go, and as soon as we get in there, you'll be just fine. This is our preliminary hearing."

Bradley took a few deep breaths and looked at some pictures of you and Naoh together before he turned off his phone and stashed it in his pocket. "You're right. And the sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can get back to my normal life. I just know I'm going to be a lot more nervous if the judge wants Noah to come next time. I hate putting him through this. But I'm ready."

"That's the spirit," Tracy told him with a nod as she took him by the elbow and led him inside the building. "We will handle everything as it comes. We're a team, and we're going to do this together."

"Together," he repeated, because as soon as he was inside, he saw Meredith and her lawyer in the hallway. Bradley's breathing grew shallower, and he had to swallow against the desire to run back outside. She wanted to take Noah away from him. She suddenly wanted their son after so many years of avoidance. She wanted to ruin Bradley's life. 

"You're fine," Tracy told him, her voice sure and steady. "Let's wait on this bench." She pushed Bradley down onto the wooden seat as his mind swirled with worry. 

Meredith wanted the only thing Bradley really had that he was unwilling to part with. He wasn't going to be okay with shared custody or visitation. He wanted her gone. He wanted Noah to associate someone better as his mom. He didn't want Meredith to have any access to him, especially not after the way she tried to fuck with Bradley through you and Noah. 

"It's unacceptable," Bradley muttered, turning to look at Tracy where she was sitting very calmly next to him. "She doesn't get to ruin everything I care about."

"Just keep repeating that to yourself."

And so he did. When he made eye contact with Meredith, she scowled at him. He couldn't fathom for the life of him why she was doing this now, but Tracy had been correct. It didn't matter why. Meredith and her lawyer would spin everything to look like Bradley was keeping Noah from her. The facts didn't matter much at the moment. He just needed to block her from getting to Noah.

"It's time," Tracy told him, once again leading Bradley along with a gentle hand on his arm. He tripped along with her, and then he was inside a small courtroom in front of a judge in robes. He stood quietly next to Tracy, waiting. It felt like they had been waiting for a very long time. 

"What's going on?" Bradley asked quietly.

Tracy leaned in closer. "We're waiting for Meredith to join us." 

Great, now she was just being difficult to really mess with Bradley. She was seriously holding this entire process up now? Unreal. It was a real shame she wasn't in here yet, because Bradley was pissed off and ready to go.

A few more minutes passed, and Bradley saw the judge check her watch for the third time. Right as she opened her mouth and turned toward the bailiff, Bradley spun when he heard the door open. Meredith strolled inside the courtroom, and Bradley could see her seething lawyer in the hallway on his phone just as the door closed. 

"What the hell?" Bradley muttered, but Tracy elbowed him in the ribs, because Meredith strolled right up to the bench to the judge.

"Your honor, I would like to request a continuance." 

Judge Greene just stared at Meredith for a moment before responding with, "No. I will not allow a same day continuance. Does that mean you'll be representing yourself today?"

Bradley could see Meredith's cheeks pale as she took a deep breath. "Yes, I'll be representing myself today."

"Perfect," Judge Greene said blandly. "Mr. Bradshaw, please approach the bench with your counsel."

Bradley and Tracy walked up to stand next to Meredith, but Bradley was struggling to figure out what happened to Meredith's lawyer. Maybe Tracy would be able to figure out what was going on? Bradley wouldn't have come here today without a lawyer in his wildest dreams.

He realized he wasn't paying attention when he heard the judge ask Meredith, "Will you be finding counsel before the custody hearing?"

"Yes, your honor."

"Then for the time being, the minor will stay in his current living situation, and any further arrangements will be determined at trial one week from today."

Bradley sucked in a deep breath. Noah wasn't going anywhere right now. Or hopefully ever.

"Dismissed," Judge Greene said, and Bradley watched Meredith turn on her heel and practically run for the door. 

"What is going on?" Bradley asked, but he felt a little better as Tracy smiled at him as they made their way into the hallway where Meredith was nowhere to be found.

"I'll find out," Tracy told him, typing a note into her phone at such a rapid pace, it was making Bradley dizzy. "But it's definitely making you look more stable and better organized than Meredith."

Bradley ran his fingers through his hair. "Simply because I showed up with you and kept my mouth shut?"

"Yep!" she said, still typing away.

"Then you're worth every penny."

Tracy laughed and pulled a water bottle out of her briefcase and handed it to him. "You look a little pale. I need you to stay focused. This could all be over by next Wednesday, especially if Meredith shows up alone again, asking for a same day continuance." Tracy rolled her eyes as Bradley downed the water in one huge gulp.

"One more week?" he asked, thinking about you and Noah and pizza and popcorn on the couch. 

"If we're lucky. But just be prepared to bring Noah. Judge Greene may want to speak with him either in the courtroom or privately. And it's best if you don't try to coach him ahead of time. Let him speak his mind."

Bradley took some deep breaths and nodded at Tracy. "Right. Okay. One more week." 

-------------------------

Bradley was exhausted after he climbed in the Bronco and loosened his tie. He turned on his phone to text you, but he thought better of bothering you while you were still on campus. He'd been in the courthouse for less time than he had planned for, and Penny had texted him a few minutes ago.

Had to check on an issue at the Hard Deck. I have Noah with me. Meet me at the bar whenever you're finished. 

So Bradley made his way toward the beach as he listened to his favorite song that reminded him of you. He wondered if you'd think he was ridiculous if he made you a whole playlist. He kind of wanted to make you a playlist of songs that made him think of you. 

He was making a mental list of some songs as he strolled into the bar which was technically not yet open for the day. And then Bradley's eyes settled on Noah where he sat on top of the bar, playing with two of Penny's bartenders. His sweet son who would hopefully never have to be around Meredith. 

"Should we draw another dog, Noah?" Helen asked, sketching on a cocktail napkin while Missy got Noah a cup of water. 

"My babysitter gets me coloring books. Do you have crayons?" he asked, eating plain carrot sticks and drinking the water.

"Hey," Bradley said with a smile as he strolled toward the three of them. "Looks like you're having fun."

"Rooster! Noah is precious!" Helen gushed, straightening out her skin tight Hard Deck shirt. 

"He taught us a cute song about dinosaurs," Missy added, ruffling Noah's curls. 

Bradley grinned. That was the song he always had in his head now, the song that you taught Noah. "Where's Penny?" he asked, kissing Noah's forehead while he drew all over the dog Helen had made for him.

"On the phone," Missy said. "She shouldn't be much longer."

"Do you want a beer?" Helen asked. "Or something stronger?" Bradley was tempted to sit and have a beer while he waited for Penny. But then Helen added, "Damn, Rooster. You look good in a suit."

"Thanks," he muttered, definitely blushing as he slid onto one of the stools. "I guess I'll take that beer." He reached for his wallet and started to dig out some cash, but Helen's hand found his and folded it back up again. 

"It's on me," she said with a wink that had Bradley a little flustered. She was flirting with him. 

"That's not necessary," he replied. "Especially since you and Missy have been helping Penny watch Noah."

But Helen rolled her eyes as she filled a pint glass with Bradley's favorite kind of beer. "You can just leave me a nice tip. Or your phone number."

Bradley really looked at Helen as she shot him a smirk. She was somewhere between your age and his, and she was working for Penny to help pay for school. He supposed she was cute, but she just didn't look like you. He was very much into you. 

When she set down the beer, Bradley thanked her and took a sip. Then Noah handed her the cocktail napkin he had scribbled all over.

"Oh, wow, thanks Noah," she said with a laugh. "This is great."

"Thanks," he said, climbing down onto Bradley's lap. "My babysitter is a good colorer, and she's a Princess, too. And she's our favorite, right daddy?"

"She sure it, bub," Bradley told him, giving him a hug and feeling so much relief that this could all be done by next week. He never wanted to stop hugging his child. 

When Bradley looked up, Helen was gazing at him with pursed lips, but then he heard Penny's voice.

"Bradley! How did it go?" she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Should know more by next week," he replied. "How was Noah today?"

"Absolutely perfect," Penny promised. 

"He can hang out with us any time!" Missy called from the other end of the bar. 

"He sure can," Helen added with another wink. "Because he's as sweet as his dad."

Bradley finished his beer as he shook his head and laughed. He left enough cash to cover the beer and a tip, and he scooped Noah up in his arms. "Thanks again for today," he told Penny as he and Noah waved to both bartenders. 

"Call me if you need me. Noah is welcome with Amelia and I anytime."

As Bradley kissed Noah's face on the way out to the Bronco, Noah asked, "When can I see my babysitter?"

Bradley was feeling pretty good now as he buckled Noah into his car seat. "You know what? Why don't we call her when we get home and ask her."

--------------------------

As soon as your phone rang, you were scrambling to answer it. "Bradley! What happened today?!"

But you heard Noah's sweet voice instead. "Hi! Can we sing the dinosaur song?"

"Of course!" You sank down to sit on your stairs as you and he sang the song together, and you could hear Bradley's laughter in the background. 

"Helen didn't sing it right," Noah said. "And she kept talking about daddy's suit."

You closed your eyes and imagined how good Bradley must have looked in his suit. If his officer uniform was any indication, then it must have been so sexy.

"Wait, who's Helen?" you asked, and you could hear Bradley taking the phone from Noah.

"She's a bartender at the Hard Deck," he replied casually. "I picked Noah up there. And guess what."

"What?" you asked, crossing your fingers.

"Trial date is set for next Wednesday. And Noah is staying with me until then."

"Really?" you asked, jumping to your feet. "That's so soon!"

"Yep," he replied, voice raspy as he added, "but Noah and I are both dying to see you, Princess. Can we stop over this weekend?"

You looked around your sparsely decorated house and tried to imagine entertaining Noah here. You weren't even sure if the three of you would fit on your couch, unless you were cuddled up on Bradley's lap.

"Sure," you told him with a smile. "I'll stock up on some coloring books. It'll be fun."

"We can't wait to see you."

-------------------------

Princess is always taking care of Daddy and Noah. Wish she could have babysat him for Bradley that day. Hope you enjoy your fic, @beyondthesefourwalls And thank you @mak-32 !

PART 18

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[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The TTPD Deep Dive (Part ?)

It’s no secret that I have a lot of Thoughts about The Tortured Poets Department and it has lived rent-free in my head since it came out earlier this year. I’m absolutely blown away by how underneath the chaos, it’s actually an exceptionally cohesive story and is probably the closest to a concept album Taylor has ever done.

There are so many themes that have stood out to me over the last five months, and there’s one in particular that I think not only drives the entire album, but ties into previous albums to help deepen understanding of it.

This is it, my fangirl magnum opus, my months of posts consolidated into one place. This is also my disclaimer that this is just my interpretation of the album, and my summary of the story it tells, and I don’t pretend to have any special insight or authority. I’m not saying I’m correct at all, do not take any of this as fact, it’s just what it sounds like to me, and these are my silly not-so-little thoughts about it.

(Under a cut because it’s way too long and involves discussion many may not care for or be sick of.)

Come one, come all, it's happening again (I'm thinking too hard about Taylor music)

The overarching theme in TTPD to me is: Grief. If you’re looking at TTPD as a story being told (instead of just as someone’s real life), the inciting incident of TTPD is loss, and the grief from that loss is what drives the narrator’s actions and the fallout, as well as unpacks those complicated feelings and how they apply to the her life in general. By the end of the standard album, it’s also about recovering from that pain, moving on from it and learning from it.

The loss specifically is the loss of the dream of having a family (with one’s partner). One thing that is abundantly clear both on the top line and under the surface in TTPD is how Taylor (as a person and as narrator) longed not only to for marriage but specifically parenthood, and the fear and then realization of losing that chance absolutely wrecked her— which is why the next lover’s (the conman's) wooing worked so well, because it preyed on that yearning. Yet that loss also dovetails into the grief of many things: of youth, of idealism, of relationships, of ideas, even of self, which causes almost a deconstruction of a belief system to piece one’s life back together by the end.

THE CONTEXT

TTPD weaves in the topics of marriage and motherhood both explicitly and in the subtext, in various forms and scenarios. The cheating husband in “Fortnight.” The wedding ring line in “TTPD” the song. “He saw forever so he smashed it up” in “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys.” All of “So Long, London.” Running away with her wild boy in “But Daddy I Love Him,” fantasizing about weddings and joking about babies. The imaginary rings in “Fresh Out The Slammer.” The cheating husband (again) and the friends who smell like weed or “little babies” in “Florida!!!” “You and I go from one kiss to getting married,” “Talking rings and talking cradles,” and “our field of dreams engulfed in fire” in “loml.” (And arguably: “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all.”) “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short,” in “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart.” They may not sound like much on their own, but they paint a picture about how the topics pervaded her thoughts and her writing, and in many cases express her desires, and her pain.

It’s something that goes back several albums when you pick up on context clues. You get the first hints on Reputation with “New Year’s Day,” and “you and me forevermore.” Then Lover is very forward with it: “Lover” is basically wedding vows, “Paper Rings” is very engagement-coded, “I Think He Knows” is cheeky but low-key “you better put a ring on it,” “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” has wedding/marriage imagery in the last verse. As a self-professed diaristic writer, it’s the type of stuff one presumably doesn’t put out there unless those conversations have already happened, and she was very excited about it at the time it was released.

Then the pandemic happens and folklore comes out, and while there is still happy love there (“invisible string”), there are also the first indications that something has happened to put a halt to whatever future she once dreamed of (“hoax,” “the lakes”) and that she’s trying to reassure herself and him that it can still happen even if she’s scared it might not (“peace”). Notably, as far as I can remember it’s the first time Taylor explicitly brings up the idea of family (with her partner) with “you know that I’d give you my wild, give you a child,” which stood out at the time because it’s so incredibly vulnerable, but it’s even more poignant when you really take in that the whole song is like a confession of her deepest worries, and this is her vowing to give him these things that she holds most sacred if he’ll let her. These are what she cherishes most dearly and wants to return in kind: her youth and commitment (my wild), the family she craves (a child), unconditional support (swing for the fences/sit in the trenches) and understanding/compassion (silence that only comes when two people know each other).

Evermore follows an even darker path, and suddenly the album explores relationships that end and grappling with loss. There are toxic relationships (“tolerate it”), dangerous marriages (“no body, no crime,” “ivy”), failing/broken relationships (“Coney Island,” “champagne problems,” “happiness,” “‘tis the damn season”), as well as grief (“Marjorie,” “evermore”). Even some of the happy songs have uncertainty in them: in “willow” she’s begging for him to take her lead, like she’s still trying to decipher him and ask him to commit; in “cowboy like me,” still a beautiful love song, she’s thinking, “this wasn’t supposed to work and we were supposed to bail on each other but we fell in love instead”; “evermore” is about the depths of severe depression (and more) with the love story being the one saving grace in her darkest hour. And it’s also notable that after all the “fiction” writing, shortly after this album she writes “Renegade” where she’s telling the subject: I’m ready to start the next phase of our life now, why aren’t you? Is it me you don’t want after all? It’s like there’s something telling her that this stall might not just be a stall.

Midnights is a jumble (in a good, but in hindsight, also sad way) with the “sleepless nights” concept, but it seems pretty clear now that the themes and events and relationships she was revisiting tied into a lot of what she was feeling in her present life. I wrote the cliff notes version awhile back, but she’s questioning so much of her life that’s reflected in past events and relationships. Am I actually always the problem? How did we lose sight of each other and what we had? We only seem to work when we block out everyone and everything else. Can we ever go back to when things were good? Why are you neglecting me? I once thought I was going to lose everything but you saved me in the nick of time, can that happen again? I chased my career, but did I give up my chance at having a family in the process? Nobody knows what I really suffer from behind closed doors and I’m all alone.

And so on, which in retrospect now that we have TTPD, is very much what she was grappling with in private while writing and releasing the album. The inspiration behind the songs may have been different events and muses, but regardless of their origins they all end up feeling too familiar, like she's seen this film before (ahem). We’re seeing her view of commitment change too, or rather how she writes about it: she’s not making the outright declarations of it like on Lover, or even the implied ones on folklore, nor is she talking of the dark side of it like evermore. For the most part it’s a return to the early days of some relationships, before things got hard, or the end of them when there was nothing left, and also pushing away the discussion of it altogether by the outside world. “Sweet Nothing” is a sweet slice of life, but even at that, it’s the peace of the home in conflict with the pressure of the outside world. Now that we have “You’re Losing Me,” which was written at the same time as the rest of the album, we can probably deduce that she was going back to the start because something happened that made her doubt the future.

THE SETUP

So much of Midnights directly ties into TTPD, and I said in the post I linked that it’s like Midnights is asking the questions that TTPD answers. But there’s one song in particular on Midnights that sticks out to me as being key in the broadest sense to understanding the state of mind that led to the events of TTPD, and that’s “Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” because the way it expresses grief is reflected in the theme of mourning a life built and the dreams along with it that are never realized in TTPD. There are several instances in TTPD that are basically variations of: “every single thing to come has turned into ashes,” and that’s what makes her snap, and leaves her vulnerable to someone who promises her those things when she’s bereaved at losing them in the first place. (In other words: “the deflation of our dreaming leaving me bereft and reeling.”) The song tells a story about how that loss of hope colours one’s entire mindset, and in some ways is a bridge to TTPD to understand what such a low point feels like.

I think that that grief, and most importantly losing hope for an imagined future in its wake, is fundamental to understanding TTPD on so many levels: both the decline with one partner that kept her hanging on then led her such a dark path, and why she fell for the conman's apparent bullshitting because it offered an express pass to what she was losing with her partner. And I also feel like it plays a part into the ruminating she’s doing all over Midnights, trying to make sense of where she finds herself when she’s writing the album, which directly leads to “You’re Losing Me.” Loss permeates so many of the stories on Midnights: of lovers, of innocence, of youth, of faith, of control, of life’s work, etc. “BTTWS” is just one of the ways in which it is expressed so fully, capturing that deep depression and subsequent extinction of faith in something that once felt assured and very much wanted. (Which is also mentioned in her writing process in the “Depression” playlist on Apple Music.)

If you understand why that feeling of loss in general across so many parts of life is so important to Midnights, then it illuminates so much about the “narrative” in TTPD too. If on Midnights she’s wrestling with the seeds of grief and loss (on multiple fronts), TTPD is her reckoning with it in its full form. “So Long, London” is the song that is the most explicit about it: How much sad did you think I had in me? How much tragedy? Just how low did you think I’d go before I’d have to go be free? You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waiting for the proof. It’s the sequel to “You’re Losing Me.” It’s, the air is thick with loss and indecision, I know my pain is such an imposition, I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, I’ve got nothing left to believe unless you’re choosing me, my heart won’t start anymore, but from the other side of the break.

This is highly speculative, but if you follow the thread about the topic and the relationship as told from Rep through TTPD, in broad strokes it goes: young love with a serious connection (Rep) -> growing up and making life plans (Lover) -> something happens that delays those plans or makes them grind to a halt (folklore) -> serious doubts arise and cause a loss of faith in their future (evermore) -> struggling with the loss of that future and trying to make sense of the problems in a last ditch attempt to save the relationship (Midnights) -> fallout from that grief after the blowup of the relationship (TTPD). Understanding that progression of events (through the music) explains not only the storytelling side of TTPD (e.g. the jump from the partner to the conman) but also how the experiences/muses blend in the music, and how the music that on the surface is about the short-term relationship is really driven by the destruction of the long-term one.

Following the music, it’s IMO implied that Taylor (the narrator) was holding out for marriage and family with her partner, for years, and it seems like it was at one point a shared dream until something happened to pump the brakes, and seemingly on her partner’s end. And extrapolating further, given how the sorrow expressed in former albums bleeds into TTPD, it sounds like a plan that had been concrete in some form before it had fallen apart, and losing something that once felt so tangible is what drives her in her grief to find any kind of respite from the pain. Which is why the situation with the conman becomes so appealing as the one with the partner splinters further and further.

(If everything you’ve once touched is sick with sadness and you don’t want to be sad anymore, what are you left to do?)

THE STORY

So (one part of) the story kind of sounds like this from the standard album: the relationship with her partner as well as his mental health slowly deteriorate and he withdraws emotionally (“London,” “Fresh Out The Slammer”) and physically (again, “London,” and “Guilty As Sin?”) and takes his resentment out on her (“London” and arguably “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys” even though I don't want to get into muse speculation here). As she sinks deeper into her own depression as a result, the weight of the failing relationship starts feeling like a cage— or a noose (“London,” “Guilty”), but coming to terms with the loss of their life together and the future they’d dreamed of was killing her (again, “London,” but also “I Can Do It With A Broken Heart”).

Enter the conman who she reconnects with at the very point where this is coming to a head (knowing that IRL she reconnected with him around the time Midnights was being worked on) , and if you read between the lines, she confides some deeply personal things to him (“Down Bad” and “hostile takes overs”/“encounters closer and closer,” “Smallest Man” and the entire sleeper cell spy imagery which is one of my favourite things and I could write a whole essay about the meaning of it, “loml” and “A con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme”). Then after she’s confided these secrets to him, he insinuates himself back into her life (“Guilty,” “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man”) and sells her a dream that HE can give her all these things she hopes for (again, “Down Bad,” “Smallest Man,” “loml,” song “TTPD,” “Broken Heart”).

But the thing is, he only knows these are the things she wants because she’s revealed it to him, and presumably, told him that was what she was losing by staying with her partner. And instead of the normal response of, “that is really sad that your partner is not supporting you and you deserve to be treated better,” to a friend in growing distress, it seems like it was, “well I can give you all those things!!!! Right now!!!! Trust me!!!!” And worked on her until she believed it, and jumped at the chance at a precarious time in her life. And one thing I want to underscore is: Taylor has agency in the situation always, it’s not like she’s been kidnapped and brainwashed. (In fact, she implores on songs like “But Daddy” that SHE is in charge of her own choices, good or bad.) She chose to rekindle the friendship and then relationship, and she chose to eventually leave her long term relationship for another man, and she reiterates on the album that she owns this all. But it’s also: nothing exists in a vacuum, and she makes choices based on emotions and information she has at the time, which is why it gives so much whiplash.

THE ALBUM

When you look at it as, the situation with the conman only happens because of what happened with the partner first and that the appeal of the conman and the fantasy he sells her is a direct reaction to that, it makes the “swirliness” of the music make so much more sense. And for much of it, even many of the “conman” songs on the surface are really “partner” songs underneath.

Fortnight

A suburban gothic allegory about a broken marriage with a distant husband with a wandering eye, which makes the rekindled romance with the neighbor so appealing. She’s miserable caged in her stifling house because she’s been abandoned by her spouse, so the reappearance of this past love reignites the passion that’s dead at home.

TTPD

“So tell me, who else is gonna know me?” “I chose this cyclone with you.” I’m gonna kill myself if you ever leave. Everyone knows we’re crazy. She’s laying it out there that she’s already in a dangerous state of mind, and she’s actively putting herself in more danger by pursuing the conman. “At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on, and that’s the closest I’ve come to my heart exploding,” spells this whole thing out so clearly: whether it’s an actual event (likely) or a metaphor for the promise he makes to her, the reason why it makes her heart explode is because it’s the thing she’s been waiting for forever with no movement, and here this person comes in and slips it on her finger in an instant like it’s nothing. (And eventually, as we’ll come to know, it is absolutely nothing to him.) You mean it could have been this easy this whole time?! (Well, no. Not until a certain other suitor makes his appearance later.) It feels like she’s finally getting everything she wanted in the blink of an eye! How lucky! How convenient! What was that about the get-love-quick scheme you say? (Unsaid: the reason why this feels so urgent is because there’s a sense that time is running out in so many aspects of her life and not just the obvious. Which reappears later on.)

Down Bad

“Did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” sets the scene for this euphoric experience in the moment that starts to feel violating once the dust settles (which is then followed up in “Smallest Man” and the spy mission on her). The bridge spells out how he weaselled his way into her life, preyed upon (intentionally or not) her emotional state, sold her a dream and then vanished, without the benefit of hindsight yet we see later in the album.

The alien abduction metaphor is pretty brilliant, because it shows both how she was desperate to escape the place she found herself in, and how much it screwed her brain to then be left stranded when the affair was over. “[I loved your] hostile takeovers, encounters closer and closer,” is so evocative because it details how the situation came to be: his overtures under the guise of friendship blurred lines until he made her an offer that she eventually couldn’t refuse (hostile takeovers) as he infiltrated her life more and more intimately. The sad thing is that the song has parallels to how her relationship with the partner started too in earlier albums, in that they ran away to live in their own bubble (or planet) only for him to metaphorically abandon her as the years went on. (Oven, meet microwave.)

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

Being continually emotionally broken down by a person who knows he’s hurting you but still acts the way he does. (The original voice memo version makes this even clearer and it’s rather heartbreaking.) “He saw forever so he smashed it up,” speaks to the loss of a future the person became scared of, and the original lyrics (“he saw forever so he blew it up”) somehow cut even deeper to me because it feels so much more intentional.

Also in the original version, “he was my best friend and that was the worst part,” also speaks not only to the loss of an entire partnership in the wake of this hurt, but also to the feelings of betrayal that the person you trust so deeply has the ability to hurt you in this way too, and how it’s a one-two punch of not only losing the relationship but also your closest confidant. (It’s like the sequel to “Renegade” and the missiles firing to me.) Again, there are shades of both/many situations in the song, pointing to an unfortunate pattern in some ways. The situation in “My Boy” is part of why she was so low, and why the “get love quick scheme” was so appealing later on. And it dovetails nicely into…

So Long, London

The most explicitly “partner” song that puts a coda on “You’re Losing Me,” and is Track 5 because it’s the emotional underpinning of how she got to where she was, and drives the events of the rest of the album. It spells everything out: He withdrew, she tried to fix it for both of them, eventually even that stopped working, he was oblivious to or minimized how badly she was suffering and his (in)actions couldn’t reassure her, he wouldn’t move forward on their future plans and stewed in his own struggles, she was spiralling out of control trying to hang on and ultimately felt like she was going to die if she didn’t leave.

But Daddy I Love Him

Like a direct reaction to “So Long, London” in that she breaks free from the death of one relationship and throws herself with reckless abandon to the next, fuck the haters. How dare you judge me, when the relationship you think I should have stayed in was killing me? (Dutiful daughter all the plans were laid. All you want is gray for me.) Fuck all of you, I’m going to choose whoever I want! (So what if I have a baby with HIM, huh?! I tried doing it the proper way and look where that got me so now we're back to square one) It’s again her imagining how wonderful and freeing this “wild boy” is going to be for her, and how wrong she’ll prove everyone. THIS TIME she definitely got it right. So what if she has to run away! So what if she scandalizes the whole town! They don’t know what she really wants or needs anyway! She’s the only one of her (hee-hee-hee) and she’s the only who gets to decides how this goes. (Because: she longs for control in a situation she’ll eventually realize she has little of it in, which we’ll find out is a recurring theme in her life.)

Fresh Out The Slammer

Also spells out what happened with the partner in the first verse and the pre-choruses, which is what makes the conman so appealing as the imagined jailbreak. The bitter loneliness vs. the sultry passion she builds up in her head as she awaits her release from prison is key to understanding the two sides of the story in the album. There’s this whole outlaw imagery (which is also carried through in “I Can Fix Him”), but it’s contrasted in the end with her and her reunited lover sitting on park swings like children with “imaginary rings” — because “Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake.” What’s at stake is lasting love and the promises that come with it (marriage/family) that are precious and time-sensitive. The imaginary rings are both a nod to the youthful dreams of her and her new/old lover, but also has a double meaning to me because those promises aren’t built on anything together; they're made up, intangible. (They’re no more concrete than the plans that went up in smoke with the partner.) Like with most of the conman situation, it’s all a fantasy in her head that has yet to happen, and as we find out later in the album, reality ends up leaving much to be desired.

Florida!!!

Broadly speaking, it’s running away from your problems and wanting to disappear from your life. (But again: the life she’s disappearing from is the cheating husband she may or may not be feeding to the swamp-- another miserable marriage.) What kind of flies under the radar though is the “I don’t want to exist,” line, which points to her dire state of mind that led her to fleeing to that metaphorical timeshare down in Destin. In many ways about cheating death.

Guilty As Sin

Yes it’s the “masturbation song,” but again the nuance is that she’s left to pleasure herself because her partner has abandoned her emotionally and even physically, i.e. “my boredom’s bone deep.” To be blunt: they aren’t even intimate anymore, so she starts fantasizing about the guy she used to have chemistry with who’s reentered her life and is making moves on her. And realizing that she’s now finding release in another man (albeit imaginary) breaks her even as it reinvigorates her because she finally understands that the relationship she’s in is effectively dead. (“Am I allowed to cry?”)

Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me

This isn’t about relationships, but about society and its reaction to them in a general sense. But again, she’s left to stew in all this anger and hurt as she’s been abandoned at home, then abandoned by public opinion, and the public attack on her is part of the origin as well as the end of that story. The trauma inflicted upon her detailed in the song is the reason why she felt trapped in the first place, which led to the decisions she’s made and habits she’s leaned on ever since.

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

This is one of the few songs that is the most completely conman-coded, and shows when the delusion finally breaks at the end of the song. She spends the whole song being like, “no really, I alone can make him better! You’ll see! I know he’s gross, but he’s mine! It’ll be fine I swear! You don’t know anything! Uuuuuum hmm wait actually what the fuck—“

Loml

Oof. THE song. Again the surface reading is about the “conman” who comes in and sells her the lie, but the pain is because all the dreams she writes about are HER dreams and implied that they were the dreams she built with her partner that the conman sold back to her. I could do a deeper dive on this but most of the song is applicable to both relationships, which not only shows the “swirliness” of her writing, but also how they both ultimately did the same thing to her in different shades.

The bridge and the last chorus are kind of fundamental to understanding it all, and her ending it with “you’re the loss of my life” is about, among other things, how falling for this trap blew up the life she built and dreamed of for good. (I could talk about this one forever.) “You shit-talked me under the table, talking rings and talking cradles” to “Our field of dreams engulfed in fire” is a hell of a line and progression, and again, indicative of what the real driving force behind the whole album is. The shit-talking is because he took her dreams (of marriage and children) and hyped it back up to her tenfold whether in a moment of his own delusion or for more nefarious reasons — much like how the man prior kept promising these things but never followed through, which left her vulnerable to someone who appeared to offer them enthusiastically. The field of dreams isn’t just the one with the conman, it’s the one with the longterm relationship she’d built the dream with in the first place, because the conman’s actions are part of the reason the LTR went up in smoke. (Not the reason for the rift, but the consequence of the final break.) And THAT is why it’s the loss of her life, so completely.

When she says “I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all,” IMO it’s not just the fake future that the conman lures her into, but also (and perhaps mainly) the once-real one she had with her partner and the loss of which that made her susceptible to falling for the con in the first place. There’s honestly so much between the lines in this song that covers every theme and speaks to the grief of seeing the life she imagined slip away, slowly by the first man then annihilated by the second.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

The juxtaposition of “He said he’d love me all his life, but that life was too short” and “He said he’d love me for all time, but that time was quite short” sums it up to me (and parallels “loml”), because they are two different situations, but they cut her just the same. In the first, “that life” IMO was the life they’d built with the dreams that went along with it and it was too short because he never followed through, and in the second, the “time” was quite short because it was the frenzy of the whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. The life that was too short led to the time that was quite short.

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

This is definitely THE conman song. The rage, the shame, the violation, it’s all in there. But the key to it is the bridge and the espionage imagery woven through it. A honeypot scheme is when spies target a mark and seduce them to gain their trust and their privileged information for their homeland. So her likening him to a sleeper cell spy who set her up just to mine her deepest secrets and use them against her is a heavy, loaded statement. And implied: that valuable information she unknowingly held were her longings of marriage and family (the aforementioned shit-talking about rings and cradles she never got to have), and more importantly, those dreams preceded him reentering her life and then beginning his mission on her.

The insinuation then is: she confesses these are her deepest wishes which are now seemingly unattainable in her current situation (e.g. with her partner) -> he convinces her HE will give them to her and make the dreams she pines for come true -> she falls for him and blows up her life to make it happen -> he gets what he wants (thrill of the chase/sex/the idea of her/whatever his intent was) -> he abandons her when he gets what he wants, or rather it isn’t what he wants or can handle -> she’s left a) all alone b) with dreams unfulfilled c) with no answers d) feeling used at having her most sacred wishes used against her.

Again, the song is unquestionably about the way the conman absolutely destroyed her, but he was able to do that because there was this thing she wanted more than anything, that was dying in her previous relationship, that he was able to prey upon to seduce her, then discarded her and her dreams as soon as it was inconvenient for him while absolutely hollowing her inside out. (And again: the devastating thing is that this also applies to other relationships she’s written about, in different ways.)

The Alchemy

Not about either the partner or the conman directly, but it (loosely) touches on her finding herself after the whole oven-to-microwave experience and opening herself up to life and love again. #GoodForHer

Clara Bow

This isn’t about the romantic relationships on the surface, but it is about how damaging the entertainment industry and public life are on women, and how women are only valued for their beauty as commodities until they can be discarded and destroyed in the process. Which I think plays into the circumstances that led her to make the decisions that she did years ago, and why she makes the ones she does now. (But also, being valued for physical traits and appeal for the male gaze brings us to…)

The Manuscript

The “original sin” that kicks off all of this. Again, at first light this isn’t about the partner or the conman, but the person it is about is the reason why she has made all the decisions she has ever since in relationships (and that’s Mr. Plaid Shirt Days from “All Too Well”). The realization that her first serious adult relationship is what cemented these patterns, and this view of herself and her worthiness in relationships, is profoundly sad. An older man who valued her for being so mature for her age and implying that the mature activities ahem associated with that were the performance benchmarks in her ability to carry a relationship, only to leave her, was earth shattering. She placed her faith in this person, but then the way he treated her changed her view of love and of herself.

She took his innuendo about “pushing strollers” as a sign of potential commitment, whereas he ultimately meant it as foreplay, and she was too young and naive to know the difference. So not only did she learn from that that this man (and men) didn’t view commitment and family the way she did and that it was something to be toyed with, but she also learned that her value to them among other things was sex. Imagine being an idealistic 20 year old and your boyfriend ten years your senior tells you, “if the sex is anywhere near as good as our dates have been, we’re going to be making babies before you know it,” (e.g. this is relationship is serious) and then he dumps you: does that imply that the sex was not in fact that good? (E.g. that you’re not worthy after all?)

No, obviously from this side of life, it’s because he was a commitment-phobic playboy, even if he did love her, but she couldn’t have known that at 20 and instead internalized that shame. But, it did send her on a path of how she approached sex and love and relationships for over a decade afterwards. And her coming to the realization that that first act of (perhaps unintentional) manipulation is what informed her actions thereafter helped her break the pattern. Her worth to men is not just sex, she has value and her hopes and dreams have value, she doesn’t have to change into a different person to please anyone, because if that is what they want, they won’t ever want her anyway.

It’s been described here on Tumblr by people more eloquent and astute than I as a song that encapsulates the album as this: one did it slow (partner), one did it fast (conman), and one did it first (first love)— and that is haunting. After years of men minimizing her dreams and desires, if not outright using them against her, she’s finally at the point where she can let it all go and move on for good. (There’s a whole other tangent about consent and shame and manipulation, but that’s an entirely different kind of discussion. But it is so devastatingly contrasted with “you said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine, and that made me want to die.”)

THE SUMMATION

This is just my interpretation of it, but in going through the standard album, it feels pretty clear how cohesive the album is about a story of love and loss and grief, then reckoning with what caused it all in the first place that set a person on this path. It’s a formative experience at a young age that was traumatic and led to certain coping mechanisms and a shaping of one’s self-perception, as well as the reaction to external pressures that try to dictate behaviours and influence how one feels one deserves out of love which makes it harder to know when one absolutely deserves more and better. And leaves one struggling to cope with loss when there isn’t anything else to hold onto. Then in light of one’s life blowing up, learning to find oneself in the aftermath all over again.

On another tangent that is somewhat related to the theme of loss, the way she writes about the two main muses on the standard album also ties into how the situations converged to create absolute carnage on her emotional and mental well-being. With one situation, she’s talking about a concrete life that crumbles under the weight of their struggles; with the other, the entire thing is a fantasy that she builds up in her head, and when it comes to fruition it falls far, far short.

If you look at the “microwave” (conman) relationship, you realize that almost everything she writes about it happens before it actually becomes reality, and it’s mostly her imagining how great it’ll be, but with few exceptions, when she writes about what actually occurred, it doesn’t even come close to living up to her expectations. “Fortnight” is an imagined future where she escapes to Florida and his touch finally starts her stalled engine (ahem). “TTPD” is perhaps the most positive retelling of their time together, but even that implies he was better off stoned and when he sobered up he succumbed to his demons all over again, and more importantly she conveys how she also is in extreme distress, barely concealed by the veneer of being infatuated with him. (E.g. saying to that she’ll kill herself if he ever leaves her — the implication is that she is absolutely serious about it when she “felt seen.”) And that the warning bells are going off in her head, but she feels like this person is the only one she can be with (because they’re equally fucked up and the chaos he brings into her life makes her feel alive when she felt so close to death).

“Down Bad” is the most explicit about being in love, but she’s also left completely confused and disoriented by him disappearing, wondering if any of it was real and the seeds of violation creep into her consciousness (“did you really beam me up in a cloud of sparkling dust just to do experiments on?” “Waking up in blood.”). “But Daddy” is her imagining she can tell everyone to fuck off for telling her what to do with her life. “Fresh Out The Slammer” is her fantasizing about this man while feeling trapped in her relationship — but never in the song is she actually reunited with him; she’s using him as the projection of all the things she’ll make right after being wronged by her partner. “Guilty As Sin?” Is very obviously about her fantasizing about sleeping with him, but again it’s such a minefield for her because it hasn’t happened yet; they’ve only just reconnected. “I Can Fix Him” is the only song other than “TTPD” that shows them actually together, and it’s the one where she keeps saying, essentially, “I know he’s gross but I can rehabilitate him into an upstanding person, trust me,” until the mic drop at the end of the song where it finally hits her that no, she can’t, because this is who he is, not the person she’s built him up to be.

“Loml” is when it all comes crashing down, and the song emphasizes everything he did and told her, e.g. that she’s the love of his life, but she doesn’t return the sentiment in the song about their time together. Because now that it’s past tense, she knows it wasn’t actually love. (And says as much in the album epilogue poem.) “Broken Heart” is her reeling in the aftermath, but again, it’s “he said,” not “I loved.” And then there’s “The Smallest Man,” where she eviscerates him: he also pursued an idea of her but didn’t care much for the real her in front of him (who else is gonna know me?), he love bombed her only to hurt her (crushing her dreams), he was constantly stoned (and not just in the funny munchies kind of way), and he wasn’t even a good lover (despite the fantasy she’d created before). That last point is especially striking because she spent albums singing about the importance of and pleasure in (sexual) intimacy in the relationship with her partner (sometimes to both their own detriment) and how it was at times the only way they could connect, but in this case, the idea she hyped up and acted on in her head about this lover never panned out in practice. She spells it out in the epilogue: it wasn’t a love affair, it was a mutual manic phase.

In contrast, there’s a lot more tangible action in the “oven” (partner) parts of the album, showing how hard she tried to make the relationship work in real life instead of just in her head. All of “So Long, London” is her detailing how she tried to break through to him and support him, even when he rejected it and pushed her away, thinking she could carry them both until they ultimately sank, but she did it because she “loved this place for so long.” (The place? Not just the city, but the home and perhaps most importantly, him.) In “Slammer” she stayed with him even as things disintegrated for “one hour of sunshine.” (E.g. holding onto the rarer good times even as they were fewer and further between, hoping things would eventually turn around.) And like in “London,” she held on despite people in her life pleading with her that it was hurting her. (Which is also echoed in “Slammer.”) In “Guilty” her boredom is “bone deep” because the passion that once drove their relationship (and papered over their problems) has finally gone out too, so there’s nothing left to hold onto, leading to her fantasizing about the new suitor, which makes her realize her relationship has passed the point of no return. “Loml” is about the conman on the surface, but the undercurrent of all the things she says about him is that he was co-opting the dreams that she was clinging onto for dear life in the previous relationship, which is why the con is so painful; the field of dreams he sets ablaze isn’t just the fake painting he sold to her, but the original artifact (her life with her partner) too.

All the physical and emotional labour she puts into the relationship with her partner ends up reflected in the fantasizing she does in the one with the conman, which is why it is so confusing in the moment and so lethal when he leaves her without any answers. She wants to get married and start a family with her partner which keeps getting stalled; the conman mock-proposes which makes her think he’s immediately serious (“TTPD,” “loml”). She feels caged by having to hide with her partner and shrink herself; the conman promises he’ll stand by her side publicly and let her shine (“Smallest Man”). She sinks into a deep depression in her loneliness as the relationship with her partner careens off a cliff; the conman convinces her they’re meant for each other in a them-against-the-world way (“Down Bad”). The intimacy (in all senses of the word) in her relationship with her partner fizzles; the conman stokes the fire by sending her secret messages and reigniting passion (“Guilty”). She spent years trying to help her partner to no avail; the conman makes her think she has the power to reform him (“loml”). She feels misunderstood by her partner; the conman acts like he’s the (only) one who truly gets her (“TTPD,” “loml”).

In short: there’s nothing that the conman does or says that isn’t a direct response to what her partner did first, and it’s even worse because the conman knew how much her partner’s actions hurt her and he used that privileged information to paint a picture of what he could give her, but in doing so in some ways aimed at her heart with even deadlier accuracy. (I’ve likened it to him borrowing someone else’s life for his own joyride, until he crashes the rental car and flees the scene.) It’s why in the aftermath, the difference in emotions are so different: she feels nothing but rage and violation towards the conman for getting in her head and using her, whereas her feelings towards her partner are more complicated. There’s anger (at her lost youth and being taken for granted), but there’s also sorrow (at their lost life and future), disappointment (that he never could step up the way he’d promised or she’d needed), even compassion (towards his struggles) and a tiny measure of appreciation (for the good times they did share).

When you look at the bigger picture, the story the album paints is just so painfully normal. You have two people (Taylor and her partner) who once loved each other deeply, and despite warning signs early on telling them they have fundamentally different needs and ways of living their lives they fight like hell to make it work (the epilogue) until those warning signs become grenades that destroy their home (“My Boy,” “London,” “Slammer,” arguably “loml”). Having already been through at least one rough patch/break/breakup that she felt almost destroyed her (harkening back to Midnights on “You’re Losing Me,” “The Great War” and “Hits Different”), the final and fatal downward spiral of the relationship (“YLM,” “London”) and the grief over losing that future sends her into a tailspin, just at the time where a flame from the past (the conman) reenters her life and tells her all the things she’s been longing to hear and feel (“TTPD,” “Down Bad,” “Guilty,” “loml”) and, crucially, missing from the relationship that was once her entire life.

So in her panic, she falls prey to the (empty) promises of the past lover (“loml,” “Smallest Man”) and decides he’s actually what will save her from the free fall, because the alternative (that she will end up in a situation she doesn’t think she can survive) is too painful to bear. When she finally acts on these circumstances (leaves her partner/runs to the conman), she snaps, acting on pure emotion and adrenaline (“But Daddy”), but before she knows it, the new lover abandons her, and she’s left to reckon with the fallout of the episode and process everything that has happened (“Down Bad,” “loml”) — with the conman, with her partner, with the choices made in her adult life personally and professionally which leads her back to the moment she feels set her down that road at the start.

The TL;DR of this unintentionally long essay is that the reason the conman affair was so serious was precisely because it was meant to fulfill the promise of what was her life with her partner. To me, a large part of the story is that she projected that life onto the conman (or he projected her life back to her for his own purposes) because she wasn’t ready to deal with that massive grief and the life raft he offered felt like the only alternative to an even darker end. Whether the conman actually believed what he told her, or he went along with it or encouraged it because it served his purpose, we’ll never know, just like we’ll never know the finer details of what went on (nor should we). But no matter what, the album is just an extreme deep dive into all the ways grief can consume us, and whether it’s a long, drawn-out death or a sudden, inexplicable one, it can turn a person’s life into such a trainwreck that they act in ways unfathomable to even them, let alone the people around them. It can also unleash repressed trauma and mental illness that can crater your sense of self. And when those situations are compounded? It makes for a nearly impossible type of breakdown to unpack. (Which is why you might need a 31 song album to process it.)

[amethystfairy1]

🎉 Happy New Years! 🎉

It's been a loooong year so I figured I may as well make a post about it, as well as talk a bit about my plans for 2025! As you know, I tend to ramble, so this got a little long, and maybe sounds a little too much like an Oscars acceptance speech...whoopsie 😅...but from the bottom of my heart I genuinely just felt like I needed to get all these emotions that were emotion-ing today thinking about the New Year out for those of you who have played a part in giving them to me.

If you have a few minutes, please do give it a read through!

The Mushy Stuff:

Firstly, and most importantly beyond a doubt, I want to thank everyone who's been so incredibly kind and supportive of my writing this past year! Every kudos, comment, like, follow, ask, all of them have been treasured by me!

I've had a very difficult year. As I've mentioned before, I'm a full-time masters student. I also work a nearly full-time job on top of that. And while I don't like my blog to have anything to do with my train wreck of an irl life this year, let's just say it hasn't been great...lots of stuff went down, lots of things went wrong, so on and so forth.

Point is, my tippy taps have been crucial to my mental health. I started TTSBC, literally posted the first story 'Pretty Boy' on my very first day as a grad student, sitting there in the office with the knowledge that between school, work, and things happening in my own life, and I'd be having a really rough couple of years to get this degree done.

I finish in May, and I feel confident with my work, I'm ahead of the curve, I'm doing well, and I think that's in no small part because of my tippy taps. These AUs, the writing challenges, the amazing friends I've made and the little community that's somehow decided for whatever reason to form around my obsession with the block people, they've been a very big part of what's kept me going through all of this.

Knowing I could count on people to read my work, to enjoy it, that I could give someone out there something to relate too or even just make them smile if they were feeling as shitty as I was, that made me feel better. It's been so, so important to me.

So thank you. Thank you for following Through the Sky-Blue Cracks and Traveling Thieves. Thank you for screaming over my Whumptober and Febuwhump collections. Thank you for following me, for chasing me and my thoughtful Batman gif around in the asks, for playing along with my goofy-ass side blog, for commenting and kudos-ing and somehow materializing the instant a chapter goes up even before I post the tumblr notif. It means a lot more than I think any words I could come up with would convey.

I also really really really want to thank my Tinted Glass crew!

@silver-sunray This is all your fault. You started this 😤 And by that I mean you made these AUs and me screaming into the void alone so much more than that. It's because of you that I started to fight the fear, scuttle out of my shell and start actually trying to talk to others in this little online sphere. Your incredible work on the Beyond project and now in helping with my side blog and all our other plans and projects mean the world to me! You always have so much spunk and confidence whenever any ideas pop up that I suddenly feel like it's so much more is achievable thanks too you. I'm so very happy you reached out to me this year and I know so much that I've done with my writing wouldn't have happened without you 💖

@boo-the-ahh you're just the sweetest! You always make everything feel so light even when things are complicated or heavy, and you don't even know it! I love getting to work with you on the podfics and our other projects we've been plotting! You're always so full of energy and enthusiasm and encouragement that makes me feel like I can come up with the most whack-ass idea and you'll just back me up, and that's absolutely amazing! I'm so happy you reached out to me and started podficcing for me! Your work is incredible! You put in so much effort, your final products are always so beautifully polished and you always go the extra mile even when it makes things trickier. I admire that so much! And I apologize in advance for the sheer amount of my writing you're probably doomed to have to read out loud in the coming year 😅

@khoirkid You're just a marvel, in my opinion, which I know you don't share but shhhhhhhh. You come up with masterpieces at the drop of a hat, and the fact that you are willing to draw my whack-ass lil guys is still just unfathomable to me. You're always so easy to talk too and down to earth, and you're so creative and imaginative with how you weave symbols into your art with different imagery and color! I feel like half the time the stuff you come up with is so articulate and amazing that it goes over my head, but that's fine! 😆 You're so knowledgable and you have a perspective on things that helps me think things through. I love getting to work with you and I'm so very grateful for all the gorgeous illustrations, and for all the time you've given to me that's made me feel a little less alone.

All three of y'all are just so cool and supportive and talented that most of the time I don't get why you're hanging out over here and giving so much of your time and energy to these projects of mine, but I'm forever grateful that I have you as my friends. So thank you. 💜

Plans for 2025:

Ok, now that I've gotten my emotions all emotion-ed out, let's talk a little bit about my plans for the New Year!

Of course I'll still be continuing TTSBC and TT! No doubt about it! There's big things happening in both the AUs, and I'm so very excited to share them with everyone!

I'll be finishing my degree in May...to be perfectly honest, I'm still unsure of how much of a workload I'm gonna end up having academically this last semester, so I think I'll just say that if updates slow down a bit, just assume Amethyst is drowning under piles of revisions doused in red ink and a bunch of reference texts and papers due to be graded. I promise I'm not gonna just stop tippy tapping! I don't think my brain would be able to handle it if I did 😅

As far as some of the typical challenges go, I will not be participating in Febuwhump this year. I wish I could, but I know I'll definitely have too much going on academically to commit to another writing challenge...also I think Whumptober almost killed both Khoir and I, and we don't need to be doing that again anytime soon 😵‍💫 I'm still gonna check out the prompt list, and if I see a few prompts that I find particularly intriguing maybe I'll write those up, and do a few of the days, but I won't be doing the full writing challenge.

Jury is still out on Hermit-a-Day May, which I'm hopeful will be running again this year! I'd love to do it, but I'll have to make that later, once I know for certain how my workload is feeling since I'll be doing my final revisions, my defense, all that good stuff in late April, which is when I'd typically be working up my fics for Hermit-a-Day May.

I will be doing Whumptober. No questions about it!

I have a few other Hermit/Traffic/Empires fanfic projects on the back burner that I'm working on here or there whenever I need to take a lil break from TTSBC and TT. One of them is a project that all of the Tinted Glass Crew is working on together, and while I don't wanna give spoilers, I'll just say that it's going to be a ton of fun! It's unlike any other AU or one-off I've ever done before, and even just brainstorming it has been incredible so please look forward to it!

I also have my original series. Which...I haven't talked about, not really. I'm pretty nervous about putting it out there, to be honest, but it's my baby and I've been working on it for over four years now. It's written in a similar style to TTSBC and TT, that is, focused on queer romance and found family in a ton of stories all organized in chronological order and written up and down on a timeline. One of my big hopes for this year is to finally share this series. I dunno where yet, or when...it'll definitely wait until after I finish my degree in May, that much is for certain, but I suppose I just wanted to prime everyone. The Tinted Glass Crew has already been so amazingly kind as to agree to help me find a way to get this story that's so dear to me out to all of y'all someway somehow...and I'm confident if I have those guys on my team we'll figure it out! 😅

I hope, if you've enjoyed TTSBC and TT and any of my other work, you'll at least give my original blorbos a shot whenever they are freed from their little cage in my notebooks and save files. They're not so different from the way I write my MCYT characters, they're a bunch of big gay idiots with personality issues, a ton of tangled up secrets, and more trauma than you can shake a stick at...and they're mine, which means I really like to put them through the wringer. 😆 But after everything I've done over this past year and even further back here on this blog, on A03, and in this little community, I feel like maybe they might find themselves a home in at least some of your hearts...or maybe just piss you off with their poor life decisions and accidentally give you brainrot, who knows.

Anyway, this has been a lot. Sorry I tend to ramble...all of this is just to say thank you. I had a lot of fun this year, getting to share my stories with all of you, and I hope you'll continue to support me as I tippy tap my way into the New Year!

-Amethyst

[girlfromflor]

56 DAYS (sjy) | what's jake like?

summary: literally just a headcanon about jake and what inspired me to write him the way i did. read the prequel and part one.

pairing: enemie!jake x fem!reader

warnings: brief mentions of sex and things related to it (so please minors do not interact): mating press, angry sex?, praising, and riding

playlist: 56 days.

a/n: i'm so excited about this fic, but since i haven't finished writing it yet and have sooo many ideas i decided to do this to overcome my silly write block. also, let me know if you want to be in the taglist for 56 days when i post it♡♡♡

so, this jake was essentially based on 'let go' by galimatias (the song is in the playlist for the fic)

the song starts with two main lines: "it's the way i fell when you looked at me so tender" followed by "how i miss your breathing on my neck when i enter"

and just like that that's how we see jake, at first at least

he is confident and cocky, yes, but he's also caring selfless and loving

especially with reader, he's all about you

he's much more himself when he's around her, even if he's overflowing with cockiness

cause he is flirty and all that, but he just really wants to make you laugh most of the time

or get on you nerves and watch the roll of your eyes

next, there's a line that goes "but still the thought of you is the prettiest thing that i own" and that's LITERALLY jake's essence in this

he's so in love and so determined to make it happen

he thinks the IDEA of you is just so lovable

he wants to worship you 9 out of 10 times

the remaining 1 he just wants to fight you a little bit

for making him crave you so bad, for teasing him and for entertaining the idea that he would be okay with all the tension

but he WOULD NEVER fight you for having an attitude

and there's where we go for the next song: "do you like me?" by daniel caeser (also in the playlist)

starting with "do you like the way i talk to you? do i titillate your mind?" is literally how jake you'd talk to you with he ever got the chance do flirt – really flirt – with you

the next line "gotta say i like your attitude and i'd to make you mine" is something jake you'd never admit, but he relates so bad

he's all for the little angry outburst you'd give him if he really stressed you, and everytime without fail it does something with his heart (and dick)

maybe it's cause anger is the closest to a showcase of emotion he gets from you, and he gets off on it

sometimes he imagines you on top of him, nails scratching his chest and you riding him in a steady, breathtaking, and cruel rhythm

if he opens his mouth to tease you further you'd shove your fingers in his mouth

maybe you'd be mean, but he likes to think he'd get you to be soft saying "be good for me, baby, just wanna hear your pretty moans"

but sometimes he imagines the whole opposite

sometimes he just imagines himself fucking the attitude right out of you

your legs folded in the meanest mating press, he'd absolutely wreck you while his fingers drew little circles on your clit

and when you finally give up on the attitude and start begging for him to cum he'd say "knew you you'd be good for me, pretty girl"

his aftercare would be all about kisses and sweet nothings whispered in your ear

he just really wants to do everything that's possible with you

and that means he'd try everything to get what he wants – you

a/n: i read this again and omg it had so many mistakes i'm shocked

[harrisonbrainrot]

Indiana Jones NSFW Alphabet

18+ MDI

Teehee, content for my POOKIE. God, I love him, I'm feral, a horny monster, I have thots.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Indy is alright at aftercare, but it really depends on the setting you've been in. A slow, romantic night home from a life threatening excursion for an ancient relic? He's taking care of you, treasuring you. He wants to make sure he takes his time with you, so you know how important you are to him. If it's a quickie in the heat of the moment because you might never get another chance to ever fuck again? Forget it, you're getting a soft kiss on the forehead, he's pulling your pants back up for you, and you're back to running for your life. Mess and all, you get enough attention to know he loves you but he's not stopping long enough to be all lovey dovey.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I genuinely think his favorite is his brain, he thinks he's so smart, and it makes him all smug and arrogant half the time. Which isn't untrue, he's very smart, but God does it make him insufferable sometimes.

That being said, he loves curves, feeling your waist tuck in and holding your hips, feeling your ass. It's hard to pick a singular feature, but he appreciates your figure.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to hit it from the back and cum all over your ass. He loves seeing it run down off your cheeks and down the back of your thighs. It makes him feral.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He told you the door to his classroom was locked, he really thought it was locked, and in the end it wasn't. It's a simple dirty secret, it added to the moment after. He had you bent over his desk, your backs to the door, and anyone could've walked in. He'd never tell you, he hates being wrong, but the thrill of being caught added to his experience.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Good lord, he's so sickeningly skilled, it's just unfair. He's so well versed, it's almost embarrassing because he's so much more experienced than you. He knows exactly what to do to leave you a crumbling, drooling mess and absolutely relishes in this fact.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl, or missionary, but your legs are on his shoulders and he's folding you in half. He loves cowgirl when he's sore and battered from an adventure and he wants to be taken care of. He wants you to set the pace, he wants to hold your hips. He'll sit up and nuzzle your tits, sighing against them. His scruff drives you crazy and he loves how it combined with his warm breath makes you clench around him. If he's feeling himself and he's really wanting a good time, he's nearly pinning your thighs to your chest, just absolutely wrecking your pussy. The man bruises your cervix almost everytime in the most delicious, mind blowing way. You'll feel him for days after and it makes you just want it all over again.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He can be a total goober. If he's had a few drinks and you're home and he gets frisky, he's using bad lines to get you in bed and he's giggling and flushed. He's happy, he's safe, he's in love. So rarely does he feel this comfortable and content in his life, he can't help but feel giddy.

That being said, he's usually very down to business with sex. He wants to make love or fuck and he wants to do it right. Which requires his full attention if you both want to get off.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Trimmed enough to be polite. Sometimes a bit too hairy when he gets back from being gone, but will return to his grooming habits promptly if you prefer it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Wildly intimate. I'm talking eye contact, soft praises, slow and deep thrusts. He wants to feel and chart everything to memory. How tight you are, how you flutter around him when he places open mouth kisses just under your ear. He loves it all. He wants you to feel absolutely loved. He might be a smart ass but that doesn't mean he isn't one to slack in the romance department.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

If he's desperate and you're not around, other than that he doesn't really ever jerk it. He's usually always with you and you two are always down to be horny monsters wherever you can be.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Call him sir or professor and see how fast he's making you moan in the nearest dark closet at the college.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In no particular order; outside in some jungle with you pressed against a tree, his office at the college with your legs spread on the desk, an old temple, palace, ancient ruins.. he's the first person there in hundreds, maybe thousands of years, and he's probably the first to cum there.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Flirty banter, subtle touches, neck kisses. Bite his ear. He's a sensitive man, just breathe a certain way and he wants you mewling under him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He's not super into anything extremely taboo or rough, he likes rough sex but he's not into inflicting pain or anything.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers to receive, loves to cum down your throat, holding your head steady and close while you gag around him. Is extremely skilled at giving though and will never, ever hesitate to go down on you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

The man is fast and rough and hard, he knocks the air out of you. But that's not to say it isn't sensual. He's very strong, very skilled, he's not clumsy. He's not sloppy, unless he's drunk and you're both in a fever trying to get each other naked. He'll bend you over the nearest surface, rutting into you until sweat drips down him. His grip on your hips is harsh, but his thumb traces soft circles against your skin. He's relentless but he leans over you, kissing your neck, whispering soft praises against your skin.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's a quickie master. Fucks in-between classes, lectures, and running for your lives. There's really never a time he'd say no to you. He'll pin your back against the wall, holding your thighs tight around his waist while he fucks you desperately. Your mouth silenced by his, as you moan into the kiss. "Sweetheart, your pretty little noises are gunna get us caught." He'd whisper into your skin, punctuating each word with a hard thrust, just to make you suffer and try to keep quiet.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Let's be real, it's Indy. He's always taking risks. Quick fucks after surviving some traps in a tomb to celebratory sex, some idol found and he wants his other reward, you. And that's just on his adventures. He'd fuck you in cars, in his office, in his classroom, the library? Pinned up against the bookshelves, trying to be slow and gentle but it drives you both crazy, anything other than that and you'd get caught. Can't have that.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Safely say two rounds, maybe three if you're lucky. But he lasts a while, almost too long, he's a master at edging, both himself and you. He won't come unless it's the perfect moment and he won't come first.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Probably not tbh.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's 100% the biggest tease on the face of the planet. Little touches he knows drive you crazy while you're in public. Fuck, he'll finger you while you're at the bar ordering drinks in some foreign country where no one knows you, and once you're completely hot and bothered and basically dripping wet for him, he'll ignore you until his drink is finished. Just soft glances out of the corner of his eye while you wiggle and squirm and beg for even a modicum of his attention.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Oh, he's fucking PRIMAL. When he can be vocal, he's swearing, grunting through gritted teeth, making these whiny little moans when you're on top. A bit of a shout with his head thrown back as he cums when he's fucking you. He's a vocal man.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Kisses like a man starved. Open mouth kisses everywhere, his hands gripping you close. He kisses like every one is his last with you, because to be fair, it very well could be. His tongue against yours, against your throat, teeth against your soft skin. Forget it. He can ruin you with his kisses alone.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

8", cut, girthy enough to make you stretch delightfully, thick vein on the top that you love to trace to tease him, which gets him all huffy and puffy.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Stupid high. He wants to fuck to wake up and he wants to fuck to go to bed and maybe have a quickie for brunch.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depending on the setting and time, he could be chipper after. If it's a desperate "I almost lost you, this, us" type fuck, he's almost asleep before he pulls out. He's dozing while still inside of you, all snuggled into your neck, his arms wrapped around you. (He loves that the most, he won't say that but he doesn't have to, you know your Indy)

[tan1shere]

Too Late

Ellie Williams x female reader

A/n: it's just one of those days for angst 😍 I put my whole heart into this I hope you all enjoy it <3 also did the paragraphs differently idk which layout I should do. This or my normal one...

Summary: Ellie was blind to it all. But so were you. Blind by her sweet little remarks, sucked in. You fell first but she fell incredibly harder once she realized she'd lost you entirely.

Warnings: not much just angsty angst my friends. NO HAPPY ENDING hehehe sorry not sorry ;)

Masterlist

Tears threatening to spill. For what felt like the thousandth time that week, you've been crying your heart out. Yes that's right, crying over someone who doesn't even glance at you, the way you would like. Doesn't even want anything to do with you... The way you'd like. How could you be so stupid to fall, to cry when they haven't even done anything. Ellie williams, your best friend. Well not right now. You two have been drifting and it hurt like anything. Shes very affectionate towards you, so much that at some points you wonder if she could ever like you for more. You were very stupid to think that even for a second.

Sitting in your room, alone. Text after text. You just wanted to wither away into thin air. Your eyes stung from the constant truckle of tears. But what hurt more, were the texts weren't even from the one person you wanted it to be. You were a bit younger than Ellie, so maybe she just thought of you as a child. That roamed around your brain for what felt like hours. Overthinking to the absolute max. You just wish your brain would zip it. Stop talking to you, just stop. It was silly to think that someone as amazing as her, would ever go for a wreck like you. Turning over in your bed, trying to get your brain to stop antagonizing you.

Fast forward a few days later, you were in your last class of the day, eyes droopy. Dark. Sore. Every possible thing that wasn't good. You were pale from lack of sun, just genuinely looking dead. Exactly how you felt deep inside. Dead. Dead. DEAD. "Y/n?" You get pulled out of your depressing thoughts by a voice. Her voice. You swallow, worried if you look at her you might break and crumble. You turn around looking at your feet, avoiding everything. "Hey, you haven't been in classes recently." You close your eyes for a split second praying that in some random universe this was all a silly dream.

That you were safe in your bed, dreaming this all. But no, ofcourse not. This was reality, she was talking to you and all you wanted to do was puke. Hurl. Your mind was racing. "Everything alright?" Your mouth goes dry, feeling like you can't form any words. You really were dead. So you do the only thing you could think of and just nod. "Babe are you sure?" There it was. That hope. That name. You kept everything in you not to let go completely and just run off to your small apartment, as you didn't live on campus. You finally look up at her, going to be strong as you had finished for the day. Not long to go now. "I'm sure. Just tired." She nods. "Ok well I want you to come with me this avo, I'm having a small party at mine. I miss you, please come."

Does she not understand what she's doing to your little heart. You feel it break more, every single day. You don't know how much longer you can keep going until it fully breaks in half. Jagged edges pinching your organs with that sting of pain. Or do you get over it once that's happened, maybe you want her to hurt you just that much, so even if you're broken you have nothing left to give. No more worries. "Yeah maybe." You go to leave not wanting to continue this any further. But she grabs your wrsit stopping you. "Please. I've missed you these past few weeks. And I have something really exciting to show you." For the first time in what felt like a decade you smile.

She was poisoning you. Your tiny heart started to mend again. Heartbreaking as it was you still loved her so much. You were inlove with her. "Okay, I'll be there." You were still so stupid.

Later on rolled round pretty quickly, your spark had come back again, you still looked like a bit of a mess but nothing a little makeup couldn't fix. Hiding those bags, and dark circles. You decided to wear something cute, maybe in hopes she'd fully see you for you. As you were approaching the dorm room that Ellie lived in you were smiling ear to ear, then suddenly everything in you fades. The door was open music booming, people everywhere. But you saw her. And she wasn't alone. A pretty girl was perched on her lap, they were laughing. Everything went buzzy. Your ears, numb. Your body. She sees you and smiles. Coming over to you hand in hand with this girl.

She looks to be Ellies age. Making your overthinking come face to face with you, as it was true. "Hey, you came! Id like you to meet Layla." You stare at both of them unsure of how to even process anything right now. Your brain was muddled. Hurt. So hurt. Your heart ached. The girl doesn't really say much she just smiles. You get a gross feeling. But you being you. You stay silent. Letting it hurt quietly, not wanting to ruin how happy she looks. But it isn't with you. You gulp thickly. Wanting to do nothing but go home and melt into your sheets.

"I- uhm. I have to go." You abruptly say, letting your small body wisk off, you get into your car and sit there. Feeling like a broken bone, not yet sunk in as the shock still consumes you. But when it hits you. It hits hard. You sob, cry. Break down, putting your head on the steering wheel as you let your heart out. You had gotten your hopes up. Again. In hopes that she'd love you like you loved her. You hit the steering wheel, sobbing with every bit of strength you have left. And just like that your heart was fully broken, no amount of super glue would fix it. No, nothing would fix the ache. The sting. You let out a pained scream as you rest your head back, knowing you can't drive like this.

You get out your phone and call for an Uber, you could pick up your car in the morning when you felt a bit better. But who are you kidding you'd never feel good ever again. It's like the person in you has just deflated. Gone. As you get out you hear her voice. You don't even know if it was a dream or reality. But you didn't care for the calls you couldn't. "What the hell was that." You then hear. You stop in your tracks. Is she really going to be putrid right now. "What...?" You don't turn around. "You heard me, what the fuck is up with you lately." You start to cry more, frustration starting to fuel your body. You slowly turn around. "Are you stupid Williams.." She squints at you. "Excuse me?" You stay silent. Not even sure what to say to her.

"Babe. Just talk to m-" That's when you lost it. "No. NO. stop fucking calling me that. God Ellie. After all these years you don't even fucking know me!" You get a bit sidetracked, letting everything in. "Dont stand there calling me that, you don't know how much it hurts me. When your off with someone else, leaving me behind you say you miss me but where were your texts huh? You're the only one I wanted texts from. I only wanted you." She was speechless. "But no, I'm not going to stand here and argue with you, because if anything im mad at myself. Glad you're happy." Your Uber had pulled up in time. You get in not even looking at her as the vehicle drives off.

Numb. Empty. Dead. You felt emotionless the next day. You truly had no tears left to cry. Like it has been your eyes hurt. But this time, you didn't even care. It was sort of soothing. Comforting to know you could atleast feel something. You hadn't moved that whole night. Hadn't slept. Just laying there. Your theory was right. Your heart was now fully broken, it felt exactly how you had imagined it to. You had nothing left to give. But you were glad about that. Ellie broke your heart to the point where you just lost all that love for her. It was just gone. You scrunch your face up at the sound of a car parking outside. It sounded exactly like your car. And you were greeted with the sound of a knock on your door.

Confusion strikes you. You slowly, emotionlessly. Get up and head over to it. You're greeted with that one person you never wanted to see again. And yet, you don't even care for her arrival. Nor ask why the hell she's even here. You just move, heading back inside and leaving the door open for her to do what she wanted. You did not care. "Hi..." She speaks softly. Your cold, dark. You don't say a word. "I uhm. I had a spare key of yours that you had given me in case of anything so." Silence. Nothing. You go into your kitchen grabbing a glass of water. Was the only thing you felt like. "Me and her aren't..-" She sighs. "She was just using me to make her ex boyfriend jealous and, well. It worked." You turn your head to slightly look at her.

"B- Y/n I'm so fucking sorry-" You don't even know what came over you but you speak. "I'm not inlove with you anymore." She stares at you for a second, letting out another sigh. "I didn't know you were." She responds. You look into her eyes, yours drained and tired. Full of nothing for her, or anyone else in this world for that matter. She saw it now. She didn't the other day because she was so hung up on something that deep down she knew wouldn't end well. She's full of regret, hatred for herself. How could she not of seen any of it. "I can make this up to you, I genuinely want to be with you also-" You then look at her, making her shut up for some reason, worried about your reaction or response. "Guess it's too late for that." Her face drops, watching you going into your room, shutting the door behind you. Leaving Ellie stunned in your living room. Knowing she's lost you for good.

[eggtartz]

✧ 26th October ✧

Sanji Vinsmoke // "Bon Appetit!" (f! strawhat crew reader)

kinktober masterlist

warnings : ice play, sanji wants his women satisfied, uhm ice goes into the coochie

having a relationship with the sanji vinsmoke is honestly going great for you. the food is great, the way he treats you is even better. it's a stable relationship between you and him and you can not ask for anything more. well, except for one thing. given how lewd and perverted sanji is around women, you really thought he's a beast in bed. that perception changed when you got into a relationship with him and safe to say that it's bland.

like bland as hell.

the sex was always vanilla and the most extreme thing he has done is probably fingering you dry. this had to change and you're determined. waking up that day, you marched pass the other crews while blossoming them a smile. you arrived at the kitchen where sanji was humming while cooking breakfast. "good morning y/n-swan! breakfast is almost ready, do let the others know and sit down, yes?" he said sweetly, you're almost sorry.

"sanji, I don't feel like having breakfast today" you pressed yourself against his body, making sure he feels how erected your nipples are. you wanted him to lose control, to let go. sanji almost choked at the sight of your boobs almost spilling out from your top and he can see your nipple through it. "y/n.. d-did you not wear anything underneath?"

"wanna find out?" you purred, calling him in like a siren calling for the sailor. you were going to make sure the sailor wrecked his ship today. You pulled his loose tie as his cigarette fell from his lips at the directness. "come, my room's empty. we can do more" you purred again as sanji's eyes changed into hearts as he drooled over your seductions. as the time you two arrived at your room, you puled down his coat blue shirt as you took off your top. sanji's nose bleed at the beautiful sights of your tits, almost cooing when he gets ahold of them. "y/n-swan's breasts are the best! so soft, squishy!" he muttered, gently lapping on them and tweaking the bud. "sanji!" you whimpered as he squished two boobs to fit in his mouth.

you backed up bit by bit until eventually you two fell on the plush bed. "i actually have something to say, sanji.." you jolted between words as his mouth wrapped around your nipple. "yeah? What is it?" he asked, eyes closed. "i wanna spice things up when we have sex" you blurted that his tongue stopped. "were you not satisfied before, my love?" he looked up to you, a tinge of hurt in his tone. "no! it's just, okay, fine. it isn't sanji.. i never get excited and usually i get bored than excited" you sat up to look at him properly. "is that selfish?" you asked gently, not wanting to offend him. "absolutely not. i'm glad that you stated it, dear. as a gentleman, i feel ashamed to leave you unsatisfied. tell me, what plans do you have? i'm in board!" he smiled as you sighed in relief.

"uh, could you masturbate while i play with myself?" sanji was more than eager, pulling out his dick from his briefs. meanwhile, you bent down under your breath and pulled out a bucket. sanji didn't questioned the contents but he could see a bunch of ice in there along with a bottle of wine.

you spread your legs, revealing your bare cunt for him to see. "do you have a clear view?" you asked and was answered with a moan "the best view" sanji bought his hand up and down his cock, spitting on his hand. you took one ice and circled them around your pussy lips and sanji almost came.

almost.

sanji grunted, squeezing his dick as the ice swirled around your folds and he had this urge to put his tongue there too. "y/n.." he said under his breath. you smiled and when the ice melted, you slip it inside of you and it popped back out when you clenched. sanji was amazed with the show, his balls have never felt this tight before and he was itching to touch you and fuck you raw. a daze was clouding his head of how good your pussy must feel right now.

you teased him, the ice resembling a circle going in and out your pussy with easy as another hand of yours circled another ice around your clit. you throw your head back, the coldness from the ice and sanji's piercing eyes drilling holes into your gushing cunt was arousing you tremendously. "are you looking, sanji? how my pussy gets wet from the ice?" he was jacking off with concentration, sweat on his forehead. "i can see, y/n. it's so hot.. so fucking hot" he growled. "and it can be like that without ice, you know?" you said again as sanji smiled. "you're right darling."

he moved himself, plunging his dick inside your pussy with the ice still inside. "sanji!" you yelped but he was already thrusting and already found a steady but punishing pace, "i was foolish to not see how you were unsatisfied, y/n. let me help" he dribbled spit on your lower tips, as you wrapped your legs around him. "oh, sanji!" you moaned when his cock pushed the ice deep in your gut, the feeling of it slowly melting away was making you mushy "thank you for telling me, y/n" he whispered, spitting on his palm and rubbing your stiff clitoris as you mewled.

"you won't regret it!" he grunted, his cock disappearing inside and out of you. his thrusts were brutal and fast as you saw stars and feel your climax knocking in. "i'm gonna cum, sanji!" you huff as he went faster. "do it, y/n. i need to feel it.. i never felt it before but now i'll make sure you cum until you can't!" he bullied his seed inside you, melting with the ice as you came with your eyes rolled back. "that was.. so good.. mmh." sanji placed his fingers inside, gently scooping out the remaining ice as he placed it on his tongue and kissed you. the ice was passed on to each other mouths as drool dribbled under the chin and the ice completely dissolves. "i hope you're satisfied, y/n-swan" he panted against your lips. "oh you left me satisfied indeed" you purred, holding his face as you two kissed again.

[yaut-jaknowit]

Hi! I like you, you seem so cool. Such a vibe.

So, i might end up writing this eventually BUT the writers block has locked barricaded and blown up any entrance to writing anything beyond poetry for the past numerous months and, honestly, I don't think she (gn) is willing to open up. We've gone to therapy. But she just says she needs time. 🙄 . ANYWAYS, I had this idea, right? Reader and a Yautja who are mates/soulmates, and he is NOT for it. Big no no time. Shuts them down and pushes them away. Thing is, while the pull towards them is intense for him, he doesn't realize that for humans it's, like, a painful experience. They can go a bit without being near their soulmate once they find them, but months? *years*?? Eventually he goes back to earth and something pulls him to go check in them and finds them an absolute wreck. Chronic pain, maybe some of that ✨️classic substance abuse✨️, and absolutely heartbroken because their *soulmate* didn't even want them.

And... that's where the little writer part of my brain walks away.

Anyways, maybe one day I'll write this, but the ADHD part of my brain wants the gratification my writer part just isn't interested in entertaining.

I'd love to see your twist on it, if you'd be interested! If not, I get it (not every request peaks our interest and that's valid, but thought I'd share).

P.S. I just heard an owl for the first time in AGES. Really cool.

Are We Meant to be?

Pairing: Yautja x GN!Reader

Word Count: 2031

Summary: On a walk home from work in a city that wasn't friendly, you stupidly decide to take a shortcut. A shortcut that could cost you your life...

Author Note: Thank you! I'm glad I have good vibes! I might be falling into writers block... Towards the end, it was hard to figure out what to write but I hope this is good for you! I wanted to give you a start so you can finish it yourself!

Masterlist

Ao3

Part 2

When you find your soulmate, it’s said that fireworks go off in your stomach. Then, life is a happy fairytale afterwards. Both souls are drawn to each other by an invisible string. Over time, they’ll be pulled to one another until they meet. From there, life is filled with happiness and complete. You are at height of your life with your soulmate.

So why was the universe cruel to you?

In the concrete jungle that made up your city filled to the brim of people and constant death, you raced back to your little apartment. The minute place you’ve carved out for yourself in a city like this. Something told you to be here, to stay here, no matter what happens. Just a tiny feeling in your cold, hope-filled heart. Maybe, just maybe your soulmate was here. So you endured the life you’ve created here and waited.

Waited for that faithful day they would stumble across your path and boom! Fireworks.

This was a bad idea, your brain shouted as you turned into a dark ally. It was a short cut that would shave off about five minutes. Five minutes closer to your studio apartment. Or lose your life.

A dark figure stepped out from the shadows. In the limited light, you see the way a blade reflects. Shit. Cursing internally, you skid to a stop and started to walk backwards towards the safety of the public street. But footsteps behind you had you pausing where you stood. More curses flew around in your brain as any logical thought.

Nothing needed to be said as you stared down the figure before you. This wasn’t unusual for a city like this. They wanted money, your money. Yet, you didn’t have much on you to offer. Probably only two dollars and nineteen cents in your pocket. Definitely not enough to quell them.

Before you had a chance to even inhale and speak, the person before you collapsed to the ground with nothing but little more than a squeak. A hunking form towering over his crumbled body. Your jaw dropped at the size of this figure. Your heart stutter in its bony cage as you were pinned to the spot like your shoes were welded there.

The string in your chest yanked hard directly in front of you. Your eyes couldn’t expand anymore at the feeling.

With nothing more but a breeze, the shadow zipped past you. You spun around to keep an eye on whatever had attacked your own attackers. Now that it was closer to the street lamps, you were able to pick up flashes of what it looked like. Yet, your brain couldn’t comprehend who this figure that moved in a blink of an eye was. You’ve never seen anyone move like that before. It couldn’t be possible.

A sick snapping echoed through the alleyway that had you tensing. The second attacker fell to the ground, unmoving. Finally, your shoes unpolarized from the dirty concrete but stepped away from the towering form that casted a long shadow. The head barely touching the tips of your toes. You swallow thickly and ignored the way your heart pounded heavily. It wanted freedom, wanted to rip out and go towards it.

He lifted his head. What could you see were long, thick… dreads? swaying as he shook his head. Metal, shining ornaments were attached to them. His form, larger than any man you’ve met before stood there. Only one arm moving, bending at the elbow. You couldn’t see what he was doing. You felt a fluttering feeling in your chest.

The figure whipped around with a snarl that echoed back at you. All you could see was emotionless eyes before it was upon you.

Your back slammed into the brick wall but a hand cushioned the back of your head. A gasp tore from your throat then your vision settled to take in the sight. He had pounced on you, pinned you to the alleyway wall, all the while breathing heavily. A hand had captured your neck, to ensure you stayed there, trapped.

Even with the knowledge this unknown figure might had just killed two people, your body was warm, lax underneath him. Your brain should’ve been screaming danger of the situation but all it sung was safety. A melody you couldn’t tell was true or not from the logical side of your brain. Yet, you couldn’t dispute the hot flash of an connection that struck you deep in your stomach at just his touch.

“Y-you…” he forced out in a guttural, gravely voice. This close to him, you realize he was wearing a mask, metal by the looks of it. “Not po-possible.” Your brows furrowed at his barely audible words. What did he mean?

Timidly, you reached out and rested your palm on his chest. He was incredibly hot, temperature wise. You felt a sort of netting there. He hissed, like a cat, and slipped the hand behind your head to snatch your wrist. It was pinned above your head. “No.” It was hard to understand what he was saying.

Not an ounce of fear entered your body as he continues to pin you there. Yet, your voice was caught behind a lump. So many questions fluttered around inside of your head but all you could do was stare into the emotionless eyes of his mask.

As if you had burned him, he ripped himself away from you within a blink of any eye. It left you feeling unsteady and almost falling to the ground. You saw for a moment he reached out to help you before letting the limb fall to his side.

Then, he was gone. In a small flash of blue, his form disappeared completely. Yet, you could feel him standing there, like a ghost to haunt you.

The walk home was confusing.

…

Blaring noises, inundated scents. Everything that a newly blooded would not be able to handle. Through the thick of it, the hunter waited in the shadows for the perfect moment. His ears picking up every little noise yet filtering them until he felt a pull. This pique his interest. A feeling he’s never felt before. His eyes closed as it persisted inside of him, his chest tightening.

A huff sounded from his mask he stood up, long legs stretching after being in a crouch position for so long. The Yautja cracked his neck a couple of times before beginning his trek through the concrete jungle. He allowed the tug to guide him over buildings as if he back on his home planet. It took him from one side of the city hundreds of thousands of oomans resided in all the way to the other side.

All of his moves were smooth, agile. He knew where and how to land before he was going to. His body going through the motion like a thousand times beforehand. His feet never making a sound. His breaths steady, confident. He loved this, the movement, the rise of adrenaline. That extra energy that filled his system.

The pads of his feet let him land silently on the edge of a building. The pull taking his straight down. He stopped and peered over the edge… to find three measly oomans. The heavy scent of fear permeated the air. He drank in the smell and watched the scene unfold before his bright eyes.

At the sight of ooman between the two male had his quills bristling at the sight. With his cloak deactivated, the Yautja stepped off from the edge. His entire body landed on top of one ooman, simply crushing it underneath his feet like the scum it was. Its frame making a sickening sound he could care less about to think of.

He launched himself at the other ooman. No mercy. A hand wrapped around the ooman’s throat while the other wrapped around its head. Only an ounce of his strength was extruded as he snapped the neck of this low life. Its body dropped to the dirty floor of this noisy, death filled city.

Beneath the thick scales that covered his chest, a strange feeling bloomed. It was the same notion from before. Pulling him backwards. He raised a hand to graze over the spot, deep in thought.

A snarl ripped at his throat. He whipped around to face the only other living thing in this dark path. The biomask that covered his face scanned over the little ooman left in his presence. Weapons, nonthreatening, adorn its small body. He wasn’t intimidated by them. He could scoff at how unprotected it was in a place like this.

He was upon the ooman in a second, ramming them into a brick. One hand coming around to cradle the back of its head while the other swiftly encased your neck. The Yautja gave it no room for escape.

His entire body tensed as the feeling tenfolded, eyes widening behind his mask. He didn’t know what was happening. Unlike any other time he’s had a ooman in his grasp, you didn’t move, you were like water in his grasp.

Tales as old as time sprung to life in his mind. “Y-you,” he grumbled in the ooman’s dialect. It hurt his throat to speak the language but he wasn’t going to waste a translator on you. He couldn’t… couldn’t. His heart, his mighty heart pulled, fluttered even, at your proximity and touch. “Not po-possible.” He hated the ooman languages.

The ooman’s face turned sour with confusion. He watched as you raised a hand to his chest, where his heart beats. A hiss surged past his mandibles. With a hand, he snatched your wrist and pinned it above your head harshly. Hopefully, you would learn a lesson. Not a single waft of terror rolled from your tiny, fragile body.

It jerked at his heart harder. In an instant, the Yautja yanked himself away from you with disgust. Yet, the way you stumbled from the lack of a steady body to protect you, he moved to help you. Halfway through the motion, he paused, arms falling to his sides. He needed to leave. Now.

A simple button had his cloak reactivating and gone from your sight. His feet were cemented in place right before you. You could still feel him, standing there. He observed you after you finally ripped yourself from the wall and began the trek of wherever you were heading.

Like your shadow, he followed you. All the way, even as you opened a door to a dingey old building and up the stairs. The Yautja followed your every move even as you prepared for bed and laid down. He watched you struggle to find comfort, kicking, squirming, and shivering. The distress clearly evident. Strangely enough, he wanted nothing more to march into your room and comfort you. But, the Yautja stayed.

When he knew it was time to become homebound, the Yautja gave you one last look. Days in, days out, he’s been your shadow, observing your every move. For the fifteen rotations of your planet, he’s been there. He didn’t allow himself to be seen, by anyone. Including yourself. He was there though.

.

Sleeping was difficult. A struggle to find peace within the storm raging inside of you now. It felt a door had been opened and couldn’t be shut. You felt incomplete now. A distraught noise escaped your lips as you fulfilled your worthless job. You leaned heavily on the counter with a sigh, eyes shutting. All you saw through the darkness was flashes of that night.

The night were everything changed.

On the day afterwards, you took an unfortunate day off from work. As much as you needed the money, research was needed to be done. For the entire day, you searched through every article possible about soulmates. Everything. You also dug into anything that was close to whatever had… saved you. It had saved you then disappeared. But it left behind a feeling that was consuming you every thought.

Was this what it felt like to be abandoned? You whined at the thought and opened your eyes. Work needed to be done. If only you knew the consequences.

[uniquecellest]

I'm the og timeline before sending Logan back, I fully believe that it was Hank that got Erik out of the pentagon. Charles was a wreck after Erik got arrested and spiraled ever since.

Imo in the og timeline Hank was already planning on going to the Pentagon to pay Erik a visit. He knew Charles's drinking problem and use of the serum was getting bad and Hank feared the absolute worst. Waking up one day and finding a deceased Charles and there are two people he would hide that from (Erik and Raven) in fear of their reactions.

I digress.

Not wanting to worry Charles, Hank makes up an excuse to leave. Hank also has been looking into Raven and knows (and prays he's wrong but he's not) that she was the actual assassin of the president and knows that she's possibly planning something in Paris. He has to choose.

He goes for Erik. Erik simply because he knows that Charles and Erik got one another on a level that no one else can.

Arriving at the Pentagon the guards bring both him and Erik into a special room like Erik's cell. However, Hank brought metal with him to help Erik escape. The guards are outside and Erik very quietly and sternly tells Hank that he doesn't have anything waiting for him so why would he leave? (Really he wants Charles to contact him but feels as though Charles's silence is enough that even the man who always had hope in him no longer does so what's it to anyone if Erik doesn't care if he's in the cell for a lifetime?)

Hank brings Charles up. Erik is torn bc he wants to know how Charles is - as a possible way to torture himself. Charles has moved on, he's fine, Erik can do that too - and the other doesn't and he isn't sure which is worse. Hank doesn't give him a choice. Hank goes on with the serum, that's why he's not blue and Charles is able to walk (this is where Erik finds out he crippled Charles and is ready to ask for death row) amd not use his telepathy. Erik is understandably angry at this, however Hank tells them that telepathy is like a sixth sense for Charlse and after the loss of his legs he kept hearing more and more voices way more clearly, he could hear two people argue three or four blocks over as if he was witnessing it (and Charlwamkept having nightmares, losing Erik to the waters in Miami, to Emma and the Russians in Russia, losing him in Cuba in the actual events and Shaw winning) and Charles couldn't take it anymore.

After he's done talking Hank tells Erik he's in DC for a day or two at least and slides something to Erik that contains several pieces of metal disguised as plastic. Hank leaves but the guards don't get Erik right away. Watching his retreating form, Erik goes over every piece of information about Charles in his head a hundred times over. Having enough Erik breaks out and he and Hank go back to Westchester where Charles is very pissed at Hank but moreso at Erik. The two argue but Erik helps Charles get better.

(Eventually Raven attempts Trask and sentinels happen. Something something related to Moira and she gets her memories back quicker and Erik leaves again until he and Charles unite years later to protect mutants from the sentinels).

(P.s. Erik totally finds put about Charles family history while getting Charles better.

P.p.s Had Hank gone after Raven and not Erik, Raven I still think would've gone after Trask but not in Paris bc her protective stupid brother became something neither thought he would and knowing she was a piece in that oof. Girl definitely went to check up on him but only in the distance. She couldn't stand to see Charles fall apart from a distance and seeing it up close she knew she'd break down)

[mrs-monaghan]

Hi Shaz! Im feeling so down today, i had been stressed out for the whole week as I have 2 audits and 2 assessment for this month, I dis not pass one of my assessment today. Pls give me some Jikook content to lift my spirit up 😘 I know reading ur blogs will make me feel good, that’s why I run here after hahahah

I got u my lovely. There is never shortage of Jikook content! I didn't do it when u asked me but better late than never, no?

To start us off, how soft is this image?

No seriously, how soft is that?

(Which reminds me, @youaremy-parkfilter I haven't 4go10 your ask. I just haven't had time to rewatch the episode but I will, I promise)

It's a subconscious act too, that's what I love about it. Their size difference though! Gets me everytime

I love them sm 😩😩😩😩😫😫😫😫

Okay, okay. Let's get it together. Too fluffy..too much fluff. I know just the thing to get me back on track. 😏 see this photo of JK where he looks like a professional wrecker?

No, but he really do be looking like he does indeed wreck Jimin seven days a week 🥵 Anyway, remember how he adjusts the Jungkonda during this clip? Isn't it funny who he's talking about while he does that? 🤭🤭🤭

😂🤣😂 Look, this isn't what you would call a typical Jikook moment. It's just one of those things someone with a brain like mine would notice, alright? It's JK adjusting himself, of course I noticed. But it was JK adjusting himself while talking about Jimin. 🤭🤭🤭

Moving onnnnnnn.... what do you reckon Jikook have been saying to eo all these years?

And why do they have to be that close? Its that lack of personal space thing they've always had going on 🤭

Anyway, let's do a tiny analysis because we can. I was watching this because it doesn't matter how long you've been around there is always BTS content to catch up on, and I noticed something that really tickled me.

So Jimin was asked to pretend he's preventing his gf from breaking up with him. V wanted to pretend to be the gf but JK quickly beats him to it.

He stands up incredibly fast and stops infront of Jimin 😂😂 JK did not want another member to play this role. He really wanted to be Jimin's pretend girlfriend 🤭🤭🤭

The best part though, is when Jimin still names his girlfriend Jeon Jungkook. 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I'm sorry but that was too funny to me. Jimin and his girlfriend Jungkook 🤭🤭 Not RM finding it cringy 😂😂😂 RM's reactions never fail y'all.

Then, Jimin was asked to pick an actress he would love to work with.

And so he did.

Then an outraged JK was like, what about me???

Umm... okay? You're not even on the list bro, maybe chill? 🤭😂

It's the little things guys. It's the little things. And of course satellite Jikook are sitting next to eo. 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾

Next I'm gonna share this extremely soft Jikook moment. Like, he didn't even hurt him. That punch was so soft and yet here Jimin is just hugging on JK and apologising for the clearly painless punch. But its the tight hug at the end for me 🥺

Alrighty! Back to another BV analysis. So remember when they went to that tourist place with all the dinosaur carcasses and Jimin was soooooooo excited? As soon as he spotted it he told us about how he loves dinosaurs

He couldn't wait to get off the ATV and ran towards it.

And there he goes telling RM all about it. Super super excited he is.

As soon as he was given the go ahead he got inside one of them.

Now, JK could you please tell us your favourite animal just one more time?

Thank you JK ☺☺☺

Out of the million things Jikook have in common, quickly add dinosaurs to the list if you haven't. 🥰🥰

While we are on BV there is this one moment that I didn't understand. Like Jimin was just there... he wasn't even talking it was RM and someone else talking. But JK was just.... staring at Mimi

Like for no reason. And as soon as Jimin turned back to his food JK quickly looks away.

This JK habit absolutely fascinates me. Like fr fr. What is it? What goes on? Like Mr. Jeon can you speak your thoughts outloud? That's your man, you've known him for years, why do you look at him like you've never seen him before? It's just... I don't understand... but I know it ain't normal. Like, friends don't just stare at their other friends for no reason.

Okay so I just thought this was cute

And this will always be very eyebrow raising for me. Why u blushing for your bandmate Jimin?

And why does JK always look so cocky when that happens? 🤔 Guess we'll never know 🤷🏽‍♀️

Satellite Jeon my favourite! Look at him be subtle!

Oh what's that? V showing Jimin his phone?

Oops, JK must know what Jimin is looking at. On time, like clockwork. Peekaboo!

This one i clicked on by accident but I'm not mad at it. For me, It's how deep Jimin's fingers are digging into an erogenous part of JK's body 😏

Sorry I'm late my dear. But hope this post finds you well 💚💚💚

In conclusion:

[chippedshake]

Okay but biromantic ace Soda

CW: coercion into sex, manipulation, internalised acephobia, regular acephobia (how did this get so dark), not a cw but historical inaccuracy, probably, I'm aware, just let me be happy

Sandy started cheating on him bc he wouldn’t have sex with her after they'd been dating a long time

He would always change the topic or avoid it whenever he could, keeping Steve and Evie around on most of their dates or going out in public

He wanted to want it, and pretended he did because that's what everyone did and he just wanted to be normal, why couldn’t he feel that way?

Then Sandy pulled the whole "don’t you love me" guilt-trip spiel

And man's a people pleaser in the sixties, when being asexual was even less heard of than now, so he caved

And he hated it and told her because he thought that communication was important and stuff

And right after, she told him she was cheating, and started crying and telling him she felt like he didn’t love her or whatever, making it seem like it was his fault

So he stayed even though she was cheating (she said she'd stop), and they started spending a lot more time together and even though she claimed she understood, she still pressured him into doing stuff he wasn’t comfortable with

But he would do it anyway because you’re supposed to sacrifice stuff for people you love, right?

Fuck, I hate Sandy

Well, anyway, canon happens, she leaves, he's absolutely WRECKED

And, of course, he blames himself because if he wasn’t broken, if he could make himself like her like that, she would have stayed

And then stevepop happens because I am stevepop trash

(A fair amount of time later) (Evie and Steve are still friends but they're both gay as fuck) (I love Evie)

Now I want to think about how they get together but that's for another day

So one day Stuff starts Happening™ and Soda tries to go along because if he could've gone along with Sandy then maybe she would've known how much he loved her

But Steve, being a Decent Human Being, notices something is up and asks what's going on

And Steve is Soda's Person. Like the person he always goes to to sort his stuff out and tells him everything and never has any filter because he knows he'll never judge him

So he tells him. About Sandy and about how he feels about sex in general and Steve just goes "okay" and says that they just won't do anything Soda doesn't want to, in his clunky, awkward "how do you human" way that is totally not me projecting on him at all

And they lived happily ever after because I said so and cannot write angst for the life of me

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

hi I'm the one who asked for the shipping reaction, yes I meant idol!y/n and I'd like it to be romantic

I'm sorry for the confusion 😅

no problem lovey, i just wanted to make sure i got it right for you!! here it is :)

warnings: making out is mentioned. excessively. (for humor.)

seungcheol: this man has been simping for you for the longest time atp. like from the moment he saw you at some award show. he went home and immediately looked up your group and the music videos and watched through them all. he's had a thing for you since then, and then you became friends through a mutual friend (mingyu) and he was absolutely correct in his initial assumption that he'd be obsessed with you for as long as he lives. and when i say obsessed i mean this man DREAMS about you. he wakes up reaching for you even though you've never spent a single night anywhere near his bed. so he's ready for the rumors, baby. he's HOPING someone asks him about you. he's praying dispatch catches you on one of your biweekly coffee dates. he wants the world buzzing with thoughts of the two of you together. he is so damn tired of trying to beam the message into your brain but also doesn't want to wreck a perfectly good friendship if he thinks his feelings are totally coming out of left field. so when the shipping finally starts after you film a dance challenge together he's like "see? we're made for each other" and you're like ???? you liked me??? this whole time??? and he's like "HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW" and you're like "I LIKE YOU TOO OMG" because of course you do, you have eyes. and then you make out.

jeonghan: he literally created no less than sixty fake instagram profiles, with the help of his boys, to start dating rumors between the two of you and convince you that everyone sees you two together/thinks you should date. it becomes a whole thing, tho -- pretty soon the whole internet agrees with him. every time you go live fans ask about him. your company is a chill company with no dating ban but they send you an email being like "do we need to confirm this for your sake??" you have honestly never thought about him specifically like that until this all started happening, but as time goes on you realize jeonghan is everything you ever wanted. he's beautiful and kind to you and your family absolutely loves him. in short, you're whipped for him. and so finally, you ask him to come over, and you confess your growing feelings for him, which he reciprocates fully. he promptly asks you out. you have played right into his hands and he's more proud of himself than he's ever been in his whole life. and then you make out.

joshua: he is the most polite, most genuine man in the universe, so he's NEVER crossing that line of his own accord. and it gets rough. the two of you are literally perishing with desire for one another. you hang out every single day and the looks that pass between you -- desperate, yearning looks -- have the other members cringing and throwing up and BEGGING joshua to make a move. he will not do it because he doesn't want to take advantage of you or make your career/life difficult. finally wonwoo gets fed up with you two. when he gets trapped in a room with the both of you, he tells you both, "the internet is shipping you two." you both blush and look at each other. finally you ask joshua, "what do you think about that?" and joshua's like, "i think that sounds....really nice." wonwoo's like "omg FINALLY" and once he leaves the room, you both confess your longtime feelings for each other and agree to give dating a try. he holds your hand through the whole talk because he knows how nervous you get when confronting your own feelings. you've never smiled harder in your life and joshua's eyes have never been prettier than when he looks at you like he's looking at you. and then you make out.

jun: jun about to mr. darcy this mf. he has this dumb crush on u but he's so anxiety-ridden that he literally does nothing about it but is a blushing mess around you. you find him so incredibly cute all the time that naturally you become his bestie. he slowly falls more in love with you the more you spend time together but still can't find the right words to tell you just how precious you are to him. it's the shippers that push him over the edge, though. he can tell it makes you uncomfortable to be talked about like that, and that worries him EVEN MORE. and so he corners you one day and ruffles his hair all tortured-like and goes "ok so do you just want people to mind their business or do you feel uncomfortable with the idea of dating me?" and you're like "oh it's most definitely the first one because you're a fine piece of manhood" and he's like "oh? well allow me to confess that you have bewitched me, body and soul, and i love...i love...i love you". (yes this is happening at sunrise.) anyway, he tells you that he's liked you from day one, and he'll love you until day infinity. and then you make out.

soonyoung: he approaches you one day and just plops down like he usually does, but this time he takes one of your hands in his. "my fans are geniuses," he says, very seriously, which of course makes you laugh. when you ask why, he brings up his most recent live. you were watching -- you always watch his lives and he always watches yours -- but you had the comments turned off so you could focus on what he was saying. "a lot of the comments were talking about you," he tells you, referring to the recent dispatch photos of you and soonyoung out on the town together. "they said we should date." and suddenly the room is hotter, and you're looking at soonyoung like the world is in his eyes. because for you it is, and it has been. you spend the rest of the evening together, talking about your relationship and your feelings for each other, and slow dancing in the kitchen. and then you make out.

wonwoo: he's pretty much unaffected by shipping/rumors. literally does not care one bit about them. but he's still so in love with you he can hardly see straight. it's only logical that people have started to notice the way he can't keep his eyes off you at events and award shows where you're both in attendance, and are drawing attention to it. to him, this is a perfectly normal progression of events. still, he waits for you to say something because he knows how complicated relationships with other famous people can be and he doesn't want to make you do anything you're not comfortable with. so it's you who approaches him, and it's you who admits that your feelings are less-than-professional and more-than-friendly for him -- exacerbated by the shipping talk, but definitely there before any of that started happening. but then it's him who says, "it's about damn time," and pulls you into his chest for a massive hug. and then you make out.

jihoon: literally why do i feel like jihoon would become the clumsiest most awkward dude if someone hinted that he might like you?? idk i just think my guy would externally be like "hahaha wow that's crazy" when someone pointed out how he'd helped you down off the stage after a music bank performance (and had coincidentally beat minghao to the job even tho minghao was standing a lot closer and was a lot more ready than he was), but internally would be screaming bloody murder BECAUSE SOMEONE NOTICED AND WHAT IF YOU FIND OUT AND THINK HE'S A CREEP AND EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. so he literally cannot be normal around you. gets his hair caught in his headphones during a recording sesh with you and instead of trying to untangle it like a normal human he just rips his hair out. runs into the studio glass. forgets the words to his own song, that he wrote, because he's staring at your lips. finally you just say, "you're being weird. is this because people are shipping us?" and he nods. "i'm sorry...i didn't want you to feel uncomfortable," you say, but he shakes his head. "i like you SO much," he confesses. "and i don't want to screw it up." your jaw drops and you throw your arms around him. and then you make out.

seokmin: he's been joking about being your boyfriend since you met. but little do you know, he wasn't actually joking and really does want to be your boyfriend. but since he's joking all the time, it's a bit difficult to tell that he's serious. until the joke about him being your boyfriend becomes common knowledge among seventeen, who obviously think it's hilarious that you don't know he actually is in love with you. so they tease him all the time about his "girlfriend" during concerts and lives, and eventually fans learn it's you they keep jokingly calling his girlfriend, and it becomes a whole bit for awhile between seventeen and carats. you play along, until you start to sense it bothers seokmin. ever a comedian, you find this odd -- so you ask him. and he's a terrible secret keeper so he tells you that he wasn't joking the ENTIRE TIME, and he'd literally die for you if you asked. this, of course, makes you all kinds of happy, and when you start to giggle he's like "are u laughing at me :(" and you're like "no you dummy I AM ABSOLUTELY DOWN HORRENDOUS FOR YOU" and then you make out.

mingyu: mingyu would just become dumb and giggly around you. kind of like the less uncomfortable jihoon. gets extra clumsy around you and makes a complete fool of himself. breaks everything within a ten-meter radius when he knows he's gonna get to see you that day. the rumors begin because my mans cannot hide his true feelings for even a single second, and he's such a cuddler that he literally gives you a hug on live television. this is the catalyst. this is why fans spam both of your posts on instagram with requests for you two to go on a date. and since you are not an IDIOT, but he is a little bit, you bring it up to him. "so, they think we should date. i think they might be onto something." you give him a significant look, and his eyes get all wide and happy. "really?" he says with excitement. "you'd want to go on a date with me?" and you look him up and down, considering his literally god-like figure and his bright eyes and his perfect smile and go, "yeah, i really would love to go on a date with you." and then you make out.

minghao: is also not the type to give any mental space to any kind of rumor/shipping, but is also extremely whipped for you regardless. when he learns about the shippers he privately is amused because he actually does want to date you, but hasn't told you yet. and you don't bring it up either, worried it will upset him, because as far as you can tell, you're both just friends. although the way he takes care of you is so gentle and thoughtful and kind that you can't resist him. you know it might be your imagination, but you are starting to notice his hugs are a bit tighter, and his eye contact a bit more prolonged. finally it gets to a point where people are constantly asking both of you about each other, so you decide to broach the subject with him. "oh, that," he says when you bring it up. "i'm not worried about it." "i just don't want to be an inconvenience to you," you tell him. he shakes his head. "that could never happen. sometimes it feels like you're the only part of my life that's easy." and coming from hao, you know this is a confession. and then you make out.

seungkwan: bro is COMING APART AT THE SEAMS. he literally embarrasses himself every single time he sees you once the rumors start. because honestly, his feelings started before the rumors, but he refused to acknowledge them until his members started teasing him about you. you'd recently done a variety show together, and even the show hosts commented on how natural and flirty your chemistry had been. and now everything is tense and weird between you two when you hang out, and it's getting ridiculous. "do you care so much about shippers?" you ask him, a bit annoyed. "huh?" he responds, taken aback. "what are you even talking about?" "these people who say we should date? does it bother you that much?" a light of understanding hits seungkwan then, and he takes a deep breath. "okay, no. that doesn't bother me at all," he says. "it makes me nervous." "why?" you ask. "because they're right and i know it," he admits. "i really should ask you out." before you can stop yourself, you reply, "then do it!" he laughs. and asks you out. and then you make out.

vernon: in my brain, vernon has not looked at his phone notifications since 2014. if he had, he'd know about the shippers. but he hasn't, so he doesn't even know...until he gets an email from pledis about it. "did you know people want us to date?" he asks you the next time you hang out. you laugh for almost five minutes straight before answering. "vernon....my company has been having a field day with those rumors. are you trying to say you literally had no idea?" "i really didn't," he promises. "why didn't you say anything to me?" "because i figured it'd work itself out or something, i guess?" "so do you not want to date?" he asks. "huh???" you reply, sure you misheard him. "i mean....i've actually been thinking about it for awhile," he says. "and, well, the people are talking. we could give 'em something to really talk about." your stomach turns over as you look into his eyes. "for real?" you ask him. "the realest," he confirms with a soft smile. and then you make out.

chan: on the opposite end of the spectrum, chan is PAINFULLY aware of the shippers. he has no idea if you've been getting the same questions he has. but he knows you're super busy getting ready for a comeback, so he doesn't bother to say anything. he figures you probably don't have time to be on social media so you won't be able to see the way people are talking about you two. and he reminds himself to keep his facial expressions in check when he sees you onstage. the problem is, it's so hard, because look at you. and when you blow a kiss at him, it turns out to be actually impossible for him not to clutch at his heart, desperately hoping that means what he wants it to mean. backstage, he catches up to you to congratulate you. "i really haven't made this easy, have i?" you tell him. "what?" he asks. "well, i left you to fend for yourself in the middle of all of everyone saying we should date." "you knew about that?" "of course i did. which is why i blew you a kiss." "so people would keep talking?" he asks. "no...to see if you liked me in the same way i like you." you stare at each other before running to embrace. and then you make out.

[desceros]

Please spare us some more papatello headcannons 🥹🥹🥹 (I bet Donnie is the type to show off his baby mommy)

yessss an excuse to think about papatello tysm anon-chan!!!!

as per usual this got long so i'm sticking it under a cut bc i am OUT. OF. CONTROL.

thinkin about the first day of school. you'd insisted that lavi attends bc it's good for her socialization ("why would she need to talk to other people? i never went to school!" "yeah, hon, and look how you turned out." "perfectly capable of normal conversation!!" "...you asked me to marry you via text." "well sue me for wanting to be sure i got it right when just the thought of it made me flustered!" <- then you're both embarrassed), but donnie's not too thrilled. the whole morning he's sulking, pouting behind your shoulder as you take all the cute photos of her first outfit, writing a 5k word essay to put in her lunchbox saying how much he loves her ("don. donnie. love of my life. she's four. she can barely read go dogs go." "best she practice, then."). it's actually the worst... up until you come up behind him, wrapping your arms around his neck and reminding him that hey. hey. the four year old isn't here. wink. wink wink. (...donnie very quickly begins to espouse the value of a formal education.)

hm. executive decision that lavi has a sweet tooth. she's particularly fond of fruits, and she likes to come up to donnie while he's working and hand him an orange so he can peel it for her. without fail, he stops what he's doing and helps, taking one slice and calling it a 'papa tax'. then, one day, she comes to you and asks if you'll show her how to peel it. you're thinking hm. showing some independence, that's probably a good thing, so you do. only to have to bite your fist when you watch as she goes into the lab and crawls into donnie's lap, peeling an orange, and then handing him half. (he ugly cries a lot that night when he tells you about it.)

once mikey's hair starts coming in, i suspect she'd like playing with it. she'd rope him into having spa nights where the three of you do all kinds of self-care stuff like facials, hair masks, that kind of thing. donnie plays it up like he's super jealous, but you see the way he burrows his face into lavi's hair for their nighttime hug and smiles when it's nice and soft, and then when he comes to you and threads his fingers through your hair, murmuring a compliment at its texture into your nape.

during your pregnancy, he's a nervous wreck. the whole pregnant with a turtle mutant situation is already a lot on his nerves, but then on top of that, you don't call out of work. ("i'm pregnant, don. pregnant people work all the time. it's normal." "i'd argue that being pregnant with a turtle mutant is quite far out of the bounds of normal.") i think... the first real, actually nasty fight you ever have with him might be then. maybe the only one, but it'd be explosive. him concerned that you'll be somewhere, pregnant with what some would call a monster, having been bred by a monster, and if something happens, he'll be in his lab working, helpless, away. you don't take kindly at all to him calling your child (nor himself) a monster, even out of the mouths of hypothetical strawmen, and that plus the way he's catastrophizing every little thing strains your relationship to its snapping point. i think maybe for a solid month or so, it's. it's a real test of how much you love him, and how much he trusts you.

i dunno if i've already WOG'd this but if i did, i'm changing it and this is the official WOG statement that lavi's first word is 'papa' and donnie is FOREVER smug about it (even though, joke's on him, you find it absolutely adorable and are zero percent mad about it)

oh. lavi loves pineapple on pizza. the first time she tries it and it becomes her favorite, you laugh at donnie's face for like, ten years. sometimes you'll just be in the bathroom, brushing your teeth to get ready for bed, and he'll hear you start giggling where he's lying down reading and waiting for you to come in, and he just. grits his teeth bc he knows what's got you going.

there's a baby shark-esque song in universe that has a turtle instead of a shark on one episode of mrs. cuddles, and lavi fucking loves it. it's the worst ear worm in the entire world, and the entire lair quickly lays a ban on ever reminding her it exists. this is ultimately a failure, partially bc she is her father's child and thus the most stubborn creature ever to exist, but also bc leo actually enjoys it and ends up humming it under his breath while he's walking around. raph gets a little twitchy whenever he hears it, but he's the second-most vulnerable to lavi's charms (the first, of course, being donnie) so whenever she asks, on it goes, with him stiff as a board as she sits on his shell and claps her hands in delight.

[sunsetsandsunshine]

I AM THINKING SO HARD ABOUT YOUR LEE MM!LEO FIC OH DEAR GOD

And now I'm wondering what would happen if April DID come to school with the intention to wreck the shit out of leo-

But like, she makes it a game instead.

Every time they pass each other in the fucking halls before lunch, April will just wiggle her fucking fingers at him with a grin that just screams 'I'm coming for you-' and Leo is now fearing for his LIFE by the time lunch rolls around.

But then April sits next to him and does fuck all NOTHING.

Scare the shit out of him until lunch and then pretend like nothing happened

And then go after his loser ass after school cause he let his guard down/aff

Anyways don't mind my rambling my brain is going like 100mph and if I have to suffer with the idea I might as well let u suffer with it too/pos

OH MY GOSH

OH MYGOSH

OHHHHHHHHHHHH

MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY

GOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH 🫶🏾🕺🏾🫶🏾💗💞💕💝💗💖✨💓💕💖💗💞🕺🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾💞

ANON I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE TO FIND YOU AND MARRY YOU BECAUSE WHO THE ACTUAL HELL GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO COME UP WITH SUCH AN 🥹ADORABLE🥹 YET 😈EVIL😈 HEADCANON ⁉️⁉️⁉️ /lh /pos /hj

Bro, I can just imagine April randomly texting Leo during class and the text is something like “I’m gonna get youuuuu 🤗😙😇😙🤗😇😙” WITH THOSE DUMB EMOJIS THAT ARE TICKLE-HINTED…YKNOW WHAT I MEAN???

And Leo, being, well, Leo, he’s just PANICKING cuz, like, April knows he loves and likes being tickled…but that’s not what the text is referring to…right? RIGHT???

So he texts back saying: “April 😅🥲…? April, if you don’t mind me asking…what the actual fuck is your text supposed to mean???”

AND SHE JUST SENDS HIM THE “😉” EMOJI AND HE PANICS EVEN MORE…

“WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, APRIL???????!!!!!!!”

And respectfully so, he is just giggly and a flustered mess the entire day. So at the end of school, he goes up to her and is all like, “April…what did your text mean?”

And the girl acts so freaking innocent and she’s all like, “Oh! That? I was just gonna ask you for the Bio notes. Thought you got my hint…what did you think it meant?”

Then Leo gets all red in the face and is like, “Nothing 🥲🫠…”

THEN FINALLY SHE JUST ABSOLUTELY WRECKS HIS SHIT 💕💖💞💗💓💗💕💖💞💝

TAGS BC AHHUHGGGHH YOU GUYS NEED TO SEE THIS ASAP:

@shut-up-jo @veryblushyswitch @someone1348 @saturnzskyzz @my-l0v3r-v3rse

@savemeafruitjuice @skyloladoodles @jamiesgotchu @rice-cake-teen10 @creativecutie